épris de la vie

Singing in the Rain

2011-10-04T01:19:00.001-04:00

I'm having a crappy day. Ugh. Chris has been traveling in the US and we are back to our familiar communication disconnect that we had back in Boston when he traveled to Asia for extended periods. I feel so alone when this happens. I heard a quote the other day, even though I was having a really good day, it resonated with me.... I may no longer be broken, but I still have cracks. I thought to myself... how true, while I've gained weight and can (usually) hold a conversation without the urge to cry, I recognize that there are cracks beneath the surface that are still really raw. I think we all have cracks, and for me, I think I became broken when I ignored them. On good days, I welcome opportunities to throw myself out there... knowing that I'm throwing the real me, cracks and all. On bad days, the cracks are all too fresh to me and it is really hard to let myself be vulnerable, in both new friendships and old relationships, and I find myself wanting to go back to self protectionist mode of smiling, shaking my head in a agreement, and pretending. I know it is not healthy but as an occasional coping mechanism it works. But today, I'm just going to cry alone. All day, cause I feel like it. I actually did cry at a friend's kitchen table for 2 hours this morning, and this dear friend listened to me sob and complain, patiently, but, listening to someone wallow for 2 hours is plenty for anyone, so I went home and closed the door to my room while Annie, our helper, sweeps and washes my floors. Which, makes me think to myself, what the hell is my fcuking problem? Out in my living room, while I wallow in self pity, is a woman who has left behind her home country and everyone she loves including her 3 year old son, and she singing as she cleans my house. While this is a valid question to ask it is not productive to invalidate my own problems by proving they are lesser than some other person's problem. Jill, my fabulous therapist in Minnesota, used to remind me of this.

So today I cry, Annie sings, and that's ok. And tomorrow is a new day.

Sunny Singapore

2011-09-21T22:14:00.000-04:00

Hello from sunny Singapore, well, its raining today, but that is beside the point. Singapore is wonderful, even during monsoon season. We've settled quite well, and everyone is making friends. Looking back, I think of all of those times over the last year where I stood on the ledge wondering if I should let myself not so accidentally fall and I'm so glad I kept my feet planted, even if I didn't feel I had any reason at the time. (sounds like crazy talk now, huh?!). I know now that I am a better person and more in touch with my inner being than I was a year ago. I think it is my "treat" for getting through to the other side of this depression darkness. Its that moment that my shrink told me would happen when I say, oh, there is the Kristy I've missed so much, only, Kristy is way more kick ass than I was in a previous life. As Adele says, "throw your soul through every open door." Sing it sista!

First post from Singapore

2011-07-28T20:48:00.000-04:00

Well, our first day in Singapore wasn't perfect, and this post won't be either.... but, we SURVIVED! (and I'm blogging) Roaming a new city, country, continent is pretty fun, however with two jet-lagged preschool aged children in tow, not so much. The girls and I managed to find the subway, the bus, the grocery, and a starbucks. Chris lunched with us at the Newton Food Center (called hawker centers) where we had some GREAT Indian for S$22 (read dirt cheap), compare our afternoon snack of juice, cheese, gluten-free cookies and rice cakes that cost S$33 from the grocery - ouch! We checked out the grounds of our new flat - GORGEOUS. I'm really looking forward to moving in next week. Leto is hanging out at quarantine for 9 more days. The girls are excited that Leto is having fun at "camp."

We are getting up for the day now and heading down to breakfast in the hotel. I'm hoping jet-lag only gets better for everyone!

I've been in my backyard eating dirt...

2011-04-28T21:23:00.004-04:00

...or rather yellow snow, regardless... it's hard to admit; I've been in a really tough place. BUT, with every tough place comes the opportunity to emerge in a really awesome new place. While, I'm not quite at that awesome place yet, I'm much closer to awesome than eating dirt. At least today anyway.

Most of my friends and family know that I've been struggling with my health over the last year and a half. It all started with my uterine rupture, the following sepsis / septic shock infection, a rough time adjusting to a baby and toddler, losing our support (Mina, MoMo, Nana and aunties), supporting Chris' in his new job and travel schedule, selling a house, moving across country, living in a hotel, and moving into a new house, all while starting a new job myself. In reality, I never had a chance to heal from the traumatic birth of Mahala and following infection, that everything else was just icing on the cake. At the end end of my rope, I was losing hair, weight, my vision, and ability to remember where I put my damn phone (it was usually in my hand). Sitting in bed one night, Chris took a picture of my back, and showed it to me. It looked something like the spine of a stegosaurus with my spine and ribs sticking out. He said, I don't think you see what is really happening -- please go to the doctor. I finally did, and after a few months, I was diagnosed with severe depression.

It was amazing how physical the symptoms were for me. I always thought depressed people sit in their bedroom all day and never talk to anyone, and eat a lot of bonbons. But, what I've learned is there can be very real physical symptoms to depression, with very real risks, and that you don't have to be holed up in your backyard literally eating dirt to have depression.

At first, I blamed myself for an inability to deal -- I felt like I was weak/lame/worthless and that I failed my family and myself. Now, I've accepted my diagnosis and that it is not my fault or sign of a personal weakness. And, I'm working on digging myself out of this hole I'm in. I tried some medicine, it SUCKED, so I kicked it to the curb. I'm not working any longer. I'm slowing myself down. Trying to control less or pretend like I think that I can. I'm taking time to absorb my surroundings and my family and friends around me. I'm admitting that for far too long I had too much on my plate. And, that I cared too much if people liked me. I wasn't being genuine.

And, this is where the really awesome part comes in, I'm starting over. For so long, I defined myself by what I did for work, how fast I could achieve that next promotion, and the status I could gain at work. Silly. I'm worth so much more than that, but until recently, I would not have believed you.

So, if you've wondered where and what the hell I've been doing. I'm finding Kristy. Cheesy, yes, but the truth. And, I need y'alls help. I'm going to try to use this blog more to post ramblings/updates/nonsense/deep crap/whatever, so please read/leave comments to support me or give me a call to let me know you're there.

Phew. That is enough for one night. Cheers.

Snowiest winter on record

2011-02-01T22:57:00.000-05:00

So, our first winter in Boston is on track to be the snowiest winter on record. Seriously. Just this afternoon, here is a pic of our front door (and, the city has been by to remove some of the snow, and it is still a MOUNTAIN).

Having "recond" weather is old game for us... it is apparently how new places welcome Team Howe as virgin residents, case in point, record drought in Austin during our first summer there.

2010 highlights... is it almost 2011 already?

2010-12-20T07:33:00.008-05:00

It has been a very busy year for Team Howe. Here is a summary of Team Howe adventures of 2010 -- we're hoping for an exciting, but less operationally challenging, 2011! (and, maybe a little more blogging?!)

We hope you have a Happy Christmas & Awesome 2011! with love...
- Tall people of Team Howe (Kristy & Chris)
- The miniature & vociferous people (Kasja & Mahala)
- The 4-legged crew (Jesse & Leto)

January: We celebrated Kristy's 28th birthday. Oh, and Leto got his cone off and stitches out that he had received just before Christmas after attacking a German Shepard. Do you think he learned that he is only 10 pounds small? No new injuries to prove otherwise, but I don't think it sunk in yet?

February: Chris made several visits to Singapore... I cannot remember when, but there were a few of them! He usually brought back presents!

March: Our relatively quiet month of 2010. Kasja turned 2. Aunt Stefanie visited from MN to help us celebrate. And, Chris & I finally made it to SXSW!

April: Chris celebrated a BIG birthday! We said good-bye to Mina (Grandma Lorna), Momo (Great-Grandma Arline) & Rusty who went back to Minnesota after spending a year with us. We learned just how much they made life easier as we had to fill in the wholes they left in their departure. Jesse & Leto missed Momo's specific meal times & outside schedule. Kasja missed reading books with Mina. And Chris & I missed the ease of everyday life when we had enjoyed with special help around. Oh, and I missed my shopping partner, but I don't think Chris missed that aspect one bit.

May: Nana (Grandma Yurcek), Aunt Becca, and Aunt Detamara saved the day and came down to TX from Wisconsin for a month to help out with the girls (& boys). Both Chris & I interviewed for new jobs at 3M out of a business based in Boston. They liked us so much, they hired us both! So... we listed our house for sale & planned our exit from TX. We had a purchase agreement on our house within days (Thanks to the Riemer's), and Chris started commuting between Austin & Boston for his new job.

June: We packed up and moved out of our house in Texas. We started our journey to Boston via a pit-stop in Minnesota. 2 kids + 2 dogs + really long drive = We LOVE our mini-van!

July: We celebrated the 4th of July & Mahala's first birthday in Northern Minnesota along with about 50 of our closest friends & family -- it was awesome! And a memory many of us will keep forever. Oh, we also closed the sale on our house in TX and bought a house in Boston (all, while on vacation). Mid-month, we said our good-byes in MN and drove to Boston. We checked into a hotel & started our new jobs.

August: We settled into our new "normal." Hotel life has some perks, and some down falls, and I do not recommend it for 3 months with kids & dogs. Chris travelled extensively, I settled into my new job, the girls trained the new nanny, and the dogs their new walker.

September: We closed on our new house at the end of the month. Took a long weekend trip to NYC with the kids, and then met the movers at the house. There was a light at the end of our tunnel!

October: We moved out of the hotel the first week of October! The move in to the house was tricky -- houses built in the late 1700's have narrow hallways and stairs making furniture not fit in rooms you had planned on it fitting. Improvise-adapt-overcome was our move-in motto. And, it didn't matter, we had a HOME!

November: Chris made more trips to Asia. We celebrated Thanksgiving in Boston, and welcomed our first official guests -- Granny & Grandpa Yurcek. It was a lot of fun showing them around the area and showing off our new town of Newburyport.

December: We are staying in New England for Christmas & New Year's, and will be celebrating with some friends, and hopefully enjoying some down time!

On a serious note.

2010-08-24T21:30:00.047-04:00

Earlier today, I visited one of my old fav blogs from Austin – I was procrastinating. LiveMom is a great blog, and the daily article looked interesting: My VBAC, or, My Name is Jennifer and I had an Orgasm During Labor (can you blame me for being curious?!). Anyway, Jennifer had the fairytale perfect VBAC and quite the entertaining story to go along with it. I admit that I giggled reading and thought, wow, this woman has some balls telling us about her labor induced orgasm even though she had not yet told her husband. Though, after reading the article I started crying. Not because I didn’t have an orgasm during labor or a VBAC; many of you know that I was quite happy with my planned c-sections. But, I think the seriousness of what happened to me hit me like a ton of bricks. And, so did the realization that I am still coming to grips with it.

My eff-ing uterus ruptured. My baby nearly died and I cheated death twice.

I’m sad.
I’m mad.
And, I don’t think I am ok with it yet.
I worry that I may never be the same again.

...but I'll come back to that later.

I gather the point of Jennifer’s story was to empower women to make their own choices when it comes to birth plans. To speak up, know what is right for you, and advocate on your own behalf to minimize medical intervention, after all, women have been having children for thousands (millions?) of years. I think this is a valid point. Our society often treats pregnancy as a disease. This is alarming. And something we women, as the mother-ships, can do something about. However, a VBAC especially soon after a c-section, is something that needs to be carefully considered and risks understood. We are not talking about orgasms and blushing. A ruptured uterus is some serious stuff.

I could go into the my story, but if you know me, you know the story, so I’ll spare the details.

Short and sweet: Baby 1, breech, c-section. Pregnant again, oh crap, how did that happen (right?!). Baby 2, random ruptured uterus, c-section, we lived - hurray!, oh wait, septic shock, I’m sick - almost dead - I lived, hurray!, I’m ok, I guess.

So… back to the bomb I dropped, you know, the “I’m still coming to grips part”. I almost let myself get side tracked into writing about my birth story and listening to your gut, blah blah blah, but I am challenging myself to finally talk about the trauma of everything following Mahala’s birth and how it has really screwed with me in the head.

Most of the time, I make light of situations with those around me to pretend everything is fine. I’m guessing this is probably not all that uncommon of a coping mechanism. But, for quite some time now, what happened following the birth of Mahala has been weighing on me. I don’t talk about it. I don’t really know if I should. Or, if I really want to. And, I don’t know what I would really say if I did talk about it. Moreover, I kind of feel I should be over it by now, I mean, everyone is ok and healthy so what is there to still talk about? Yet, I feel like there is some epiphany I am waiting for so I can move on. It’s not happening. So, here it is, I’m engineering my own epiphany. Go BIG, or go home (and I live in a hotel), so I’m throwing it out on the table...

It sucked that I got sick. I’m pissed that it happened.
It scares me that Mahala almost died.
I feel a sense of responsibility for the risk Mahala was put in.
(I know) it wasn’t my fault, but I’m mommy and my job is protect.
It scares me that I almost died. I feel selfish for nearly dying.
I nearly abandoned my family.
The thoughts of another woman helping Kasja pick out her wedding dress haunt me.
I’m kinda mad at myself for not listening to my gut.
It is my job to protect my family and I failed.
I know I am only human and some things are not up to me…
... but that is scary to accept.
I wonder if I learned the lessons I was supposed to learn.
I worry about having to repeat the lessons.
It wasn’t my fault. I think.
I feel lucky and blessed for our outcome.
... but guilty that I have any feelings besides gratefulness.

Don’t get me wrong, emotionally, I’m in a pretty good place (seriously, don’t laugh, I’M FOR REAL!). I just know that there are some thoughts rolling around in my head that I should deal with, and in more recent years, I tend to be on the dramatic side. Anyway. There they are. Staring me in the face. On “paper.” Phew!

I feel like I just kinda puked on that paper, deep, but you know, it feels kinda good. Post.

...on the topic of hotel living

2010-08-05T23:16:00.002-04:00

Top 10... ways to look on the bright side of temporary housing

10. Let's start with an easy one: housekeeping services. I might mention that it would be even better if we could leverage these services (managing dogs, kids, nannies, travel, working, limits our ability to realize the potential of said services), but the thought is nice, nonetheless.

9. We have an opportunity to simplfy by living with less. Less toys. Less clothes. Less space. Kind of liberating, yet, so constricting. Anyway, I am sure our carbon foot-print may have shrunk?!

8. I don't have to cook. Nevermind that I couldn't really if I wanted, but, I'm sticking with the fact that I don't have to.

7. I don't have to buy dishwasher soap, paper towels, or toilet paper. They provide it. Allbeit, different quality than I may chose for my family, still , I did not have to go out and purchase it.

6. A nicely located hotel is better than questionably located apartment.

5. They have an on-site fitness center that I hope to use.

4. You can drop your dry cleaning off downstairs on your way to work and it is done and handed to you when you walk in for the evening. The price, is, fair given the convenience. (PS I love the fact that I can finally spell the word convenience without having to use spell-check). On the topic of laundry... there are 3 washers and 3 dryers down a floor for use. can do TONS of laundry in what it used to take to do one load!

3. Kasja has developed a liking for lift (ahem, elevator) buttons. In fact, she learned to identify the written numbers 1 - 2 - 3 during rides in the hotel lift. She also learned about the emergency alarm button and front desk call button as well.

2. The dogs get several walks a day.

1. Hey, we have a place to live. As much as I LOVE my minivan, the hotel does take temporary living to a new level.

Phew!

2010-08-03T07:27:00.006-04:00

We’re still trying to catch our breath, but here is a quick update on Team Howe happenings. We have been, and still are, on one wild ride, and loving (most) of it!

We enjoyed our vacation in northern Minnesota. It was AMAZING getting to hang out with family and friends. For about 2 weeks, it almost felt like we “live” right by everyone. We hope to make it an annual tradition – so be sure to plan for a rendezvous again next July!
Our house in Austin sold and closed about a month ago! What a relief.
We found a house in the Boston area, and have a contact in place. We are going to call Newburyport, MA home. It is a historic sea/port town on the North Shore and connected to Boston by train. The house is from the Revolutionary War period but has been beautifully updated and maintained. We will be about 1 block from the water and walking distance to everything in town.
We made it to Boston, all of us in one piece. The dogs were great passengers, and the girls, well, they were good too, given their age, the sheer length of the trip, and the amount of change they have been rolling with. Everything is relative, right?!
We are settled in our temporary home – a hotel, until early October when our house will be ready. It is a 2 bedroom place so it is not as bad as it sounds. We are adapting.
Chris dove head first into his new job – and loves it; he is in Asia for the next 2 weeks. I attempted to dip my toes into my new job but am quickly getting pulled right in; at least not head first (just yet anyway). We are part of a pretty exciting business with a lot of opportunity for growth, so we are both FIRED-UP!
Mina (AKA Grandma Lorna) came out Boston to help us find a nanny and take care of the girls through the transition. She has been a LIFE-SAVER and helped provide a rock for the girls through all of this change. We all are going to be terribly sad to bring Mina to the airport Sunday.
We found a nanny, Evelyn, and she started this week. The girls are warming up and Evelyn is getting the hang of the schedule. I think Evelyn will be a great fit for our family!

We are missing everyone. I often think of y’all and wish everyone could be here to share in our new experiences with us. I guess Facebook updates will have to suffice, huh?!

Oh, and TODAY is my sis Becca's birthday. She is 21! Time flies! Happy birthday, Becca!

Mina & Momo are all packed up

2010-04-23T07:23:00.005-04:00

... well, almost. I think there is still some packing in process.

Today is a bittersweet day around our house; Mina (aka Grandma Lorna) and Momo (aka Great Grandma Arline) are spending their last day in Austin with us today. Tomorrow morning they head out on their journey back to northern Minnesota. I know Mina and Momo are excited to go home again and see family and friends they have missed over the last year, but they are also struggling with leaving and not seeing the girls grow up right before them.

There really is no other word to describe it than bittersweet.

I am going to miss my shopping partner-in-crime (however, I doubt my budget will share the same longing). I am going to miss all of the stories Momo shares of Christopher growing up. The boys will miss Rusty; I know Rusty is going to miss his pool. Amongst a zillion-billion other things I am going to miss, I really am going to miss having the "The Grandmas" as a part of the girls daily life.

Rather than being really sad I am trying my best to keep from crying by reminding myself of how lucky we have been to have shared the last year with Mina and Momo and Rusty, and how special that time has been. When I say good-bye, which I unfortunately have to do more often than I like, I always have this feeling of guilt - of... I wish I would have lived every moment to the fullest and truly appreciated at the time how special it was - and made sure everyone knew how much I loved them everytime I spent time with them. I always think back to times when I was pre-occupied and wish I would not have been. I wish time went by slower. SO... as I say good-bye this weekend, I am not going to do that. Well, I am trying not to.

...(choking back tears at the moment)

(Photo credit: Todd McKimmey Studios)

The Saturn. My friend. My enemy.

2010-04-21T20:46:00.003-04:00

If you would have asked me 7 years ago, if I would still be driving my Saturn Vue today – I would have said “heck no!,” or, … something like that, but probably with a few more cuss words inserted. I HATED the Saturn since the day I bought the darn thing. There was a time when I despised it. When I purchased the Saturn, I traded in my (much nicer, fully loaded) Oldsmobile Bravada. At the time, I was convinced that the Bravada was trying to kill me; the gas mileage sucked; it had nearly 100K miles on it. Insert the Saturn Vue. The very practical, non-gas-guzzling, blah-looking mini-SUV; without leather (mind you, I was going through a nearly vegan stage of life). It was the right choice, even if I didn’t want it to be, and my practical side recognized that. So, I bought it. And, I hated it.

A year or so after buying the Saturn, I went through what I would call – a quarter-life crisis. It was really more like a mid-life crisis because I found myself questioning my relationships, my career choices, my failures, my wish-I-wouldas… most quarter life crisis tend to be more focused around an inability to grow up, where my crisis in my 20’s was more focused around the feeling that I perhaps grew up too quickly; a feeling that was heavy on my shoulders – and that darn Saturn represented everything that I hated about myself. Practical. Boring. Sensible. Old. Lacking of power. Responsible. There were days that I contemplated trading it in, regardless of the money I’d lose, test driving cars on my way home from work. Eventually, I decided that I could not just trade in my perfectly-fine-enough car, so I did things like “forget” to change the oil for 12,000 miles. Maybe I would HAVE to trade in the Saturn because it would break down… then it wouldn’t be me being irresponsible, but rather traded in out of necessity.

I felt like I was stuck. Not just with the Saturn, but with my old self.

I finally realized that hating the Saturn would not fix my problems. I needed to fix myself. So… I did. It was like a switch went off one day, and the lights were on. Why did I torture myself so long in the darkness… who knows, but that light was FABULOUS! I changed career focus, from IT to Marketing. I sold my house in the suburbs for one in the city. I let go of past relationship mistakes and learned to love myself again. I realized that I didn’t need to take care of everyone else, but that I needed to take care of me. I learned that people love me for who I am, weaknesses and all; it was ok for people to know that I wasn’t perfect. I let go of trying to be perfect. I got another dog, Leto (he has taught me patience). And… I kept driving the Saturn.

Eventually, after coming to terms with myself, I was able to let someone special in my life. Enter Chris. Chris challenged me in ways that I had never been. It may be cheesy to say, but being around him made me want to be a better person. We quickly grew a partnership, and to this day, he keeps me on my toes. We are holding onto that light together, going whatever way it guides us and are celebrating our 3 year anniversary today.

The Saturn has stuck with me through it all. And… I LOVE it! Well, love is a strong word. I’ve LOVED the journey, and ahem… tolerated the Saturn along the way. Even come to have a smidgen of a crush on the thing.

So… you ask, how many more years do you think you will drive the Saturn? Well… it is nearing the 100K mark. Given my 12 mile round trip to work 5 days a week, I anticipate putting about 3,500 miles on it a year. At that rate, minus some life for lack of… ahem… regular maintenance, I figure the Saturn has 4 or 5 years of life left. Maybe more, maybe less, one thing I do know is that it will be all mine for some time to come. I did have a dream where I was driving around in a cute little hybrid… maybe it will be a fully electric car by the time I need a new one. The point is, when it is time, I will say good-bye to the Saturn because I need a new car, but not because I am unhappy with me. What a 7 years it has been!

Bluebonnet Beauties

2010-04-08T08:51:00.001-04:00

Photo Credit: Todd McKimmey

Spring has... Sprung

2010-03-30T08:23:00.001-04:00

I love this time of year, everything feels new and fresh -- there is an excitment in the air. You get to wear pastel colors with bold floral prints, and have lunch with girlfriends on patios overlooking lakes filled with water. Spring is magical!

That's all I got. I am in a good mood today, and wanted to pass it on!

More Preview Pics

2010-03-29T08:41:00.001-04:00

Here are a few more! I think the photos are turning out great.

Photo credit: Todd McKimmey

Photo Session Sneak Peek

2010-03-25T09:23:00.004-04:00

Photo credit: Todd McKimmey

There are plenty more to come!

New pics of the girls

2010-01-07T07:54:00.000-05:00

Thanks, to Shannan, here are a few quick pics of the gals.

What to do when you can't sleep... blog, of course!

2009-12-31T00:55:00.004-05:00

I took too long of a nap today, and cannot sleep. Argh! So... anyway, I thought I would write a quick blog post, hoping to lull myself, and likely any future readers, to sleep.

First, I need to remind everyone, that MY birthday week has begun. Yes, it is that time of year when we all get to celebrate my 28th birthday! Aren't you excited?! I am. I have heard that 28 is great. Cheers to me, yeah! (I know, you are thinking, slightly egocentric... but, if you are not going to celebrate yourself, who will?).

Second, I have tons of pics to load up and post, but I cannot find our camera battery charger, terrible excuse, yes, but it is the truth. Lucky for you, a girlfriend of mine, Lisa Bint, shot some great snapshots of our family at our friend, Shannan's Christmukkah party. Anyway, Lisa is a FABULOUS photographer, even if she is shy about it; don't let that fool you.

If you are wondering where I am... I am hiding in my closet

2009-11-19T06:18:00.002-05:00

When it rains.... it pours.

If there is shit, surely, it will hit the fan.

That is how my week has gone. After another long day at work, kids and grandmas getting over a bug, and evening putting the kids down, I woke up Wednesday morning, after waking up with Mahala (again) at 2AM, 4AM, at 5:30AM for the day... TIRED. I fed Mahala while checking my calendar on my iPhone to see that I had a full day of meetings, mostly one-on-one meetings with my team, bringing Kasja to gym class over lunch, that kind of stuff -- my day was lined up back-to-back all day (another day without a lunch break). I finished feeding Mahala, started my shower water and Chris called (he is on week 2 of a 2 week long business trip) and I told him I was on the verge of a breakdown but that I managed to convince myself I could do it, it was manageable, I was tired but I could power through. Really.

So, I got off the phone quickly... the shower must be warm. I thought to myself, I am just going to relax a bit but I can do this. Screw the fact the Kasja is starting to fuss, she is safe in her crib. I just need 2 minutes of some hot water and deep breaths, without having to share it with my toddler. WELL - our water heaters died. Yes, both of them. Dead. So, I had a 60 second cold shower to rinse my hair. Got my rob on, let the dogs out (so littleman does not pee in the laundry room)... why is the pool filter running? -- the timer was on the fritz so I had been manually running it and it should not be running right now. Leto thinks the thingy that cleans the bottom of the pool is the Lockness Monster, and warns all of the neighbors of the dangers in the water. Not something they want to hear at 5:45AM, so I flip open to the filter controls only to find the filter is stuck ON.

I call Chris.
ME: "The camel's back just broke!"

His response: "Well, at least you have an excuse to take the day off, dear."

So Wednesday was spent teleconferencing with work and managing plumbers and pool dudes, with a migraine to spice it up a little. Pool dude was a no show, and the Plumber could only fix one of the two water heaters, stating about the one that he did not fix "you can use it... worse case scenario is your house could burn down... but it is not likely, so I think you would be fine." My response, "I see... so, you are saying I should just see how it goes, and if my house fails to burn down and take my family with it, I'm good to go?!" Richie (that was the plumber's name), "well, you have to go turn it on yourself, I would hate to do it, and have something happen... but if I were you, I'd use it, you'll be fine." Obviously, he did not catch my disdain for his first comment. So, I said... "let me explain this more clearly, I have you here to fix it, and have no interest in risk taking in this area of my life... so, what can we do to get this water heater in SAFE operating order?" Richie, "well, the warranty company already told me they were not going to cover it, so... you'll be fine." At this point, I'd had it. Obviously I would get no where with Richie so I thanked him for fixing one of the heaters. At least I would have hot water to wash bottles and give my girls a bath.

I ended the day taking Grandma to the Doctor. While Great Grandma, Kasja, Mahala, and I were driving around waiting, Kasja shat in her diaper and practically stunk us all out of the car. I pulled into Austin Flower Co parking lot and changed Kasja on the car floor. I had, secretly, "run into" the area near the flower shop since Great Grandma (she has been feeling down lately) loves the place and I could convince her to go in and she needs to get out more. Sneaky, I know, makes me feel a little cleaver. Anyway, I helped Great Grandma into the shop while carrying Kasja in one arm and Mahala in her infant seat in the other, all while ordering pizza for pick-up from Brick Oven (they have GF pizza and were next door and I had remembered that I had not eaten yet and it was 6:30PM). We picked out some beautiful flowers -- enough for 3 bouquets and add some cheer to the house. We picked up the pizza and went on our way back to the DR office to pick up Grandma - she was not ready, so I fed Mahala in the parking lot. Got home about 7:30PM, immediately fed and put Kasja down for the night, changed and fed Mahala, and grabbed some pizza myself.

Anyway, it all boils down to chaos theory really; the likelihood of an event happening in the first place will increase the probability of it and others happening again - sooner than later.

eff'n chaos theory.

At least I have hot water.

Top 10: Ways to pass the time in the ICU

2009-11-09T13:37:00.005-05:00

10. Count the number of blood splatter spots in the ceiling.

9. Wonder how, exactly, blood splatter was able to reach the other side of the room from the bed.

8. Wonder where else blood may have splattered in the room. Start looking for evidence.

7. Wonder what ailment caused the blood splatter, and what it would feel like to have that ailment. Then, thank God, because my blood was not splattering.

6. Knowing I would not have any blood splattering about... think of ways to leave my own mark, on the ceiling; the ICU equivalent to carving your name into the back of the school bus seat. One thought: spitballs, not unlike the ones junior high boys launched through straws at the lunch ladies... that was a no go - not enough spit. Hmmm...

5. Make up songs that go along to the beat of the IV pump. This was challenging when I had multiple pumps.

4. Eavesdrop on the nurses and DRs outside my door during rounds/shift change. Doing so, I learned that I had done better that first night than everyone thought I would... my heart was not working properly and my blood pressure was so low I had been put on dopamine to help keep things working and I had completely blacked out the entire night; kinda made me wonder how they had expected me to do. Deciding this was not a productive thought... back to the blood splatter - why had they not cleaned it from the ceiling?

3. Play the guess my blood pressure game. I had this cuff on my arm that would automatically take my blood pressure every 10 minutes. I would guess my pressure based on many variables, and encouraged my visitors to play along. Needless to say, I got very good at this game and could kick some tail.

2. Practice mind over matter techniques. Literally. There was no way I was going to go #2 in that adult potty chair in front of the nurses.

1. Remind myself of how lucky I was to still be here thinking of ways to pass time.

Still alive... and kicking!

2009-11-02T13:35:00.001-05:00

I know it has been FOREVER since I have blogged... and believe me, I have a lot to say (not that you ever questioned that fact, right?!), I have just been a little swamped lately. Adjusting to having 2 kiddos in tow takes some time, and dealing with that whole being sick thing that kinda sucked. Moms are great at not sharing their pain, and sucking it up and dealing, but man, who knew having two kids was THAT much of an adjustment. I have spent much of the last three months calling every Mom of two or more... a LIAR! All these moms make it look so easy... makes me wonder if I am just that uptight or if it is this difficult for others of you out there.... Seriously, having 2 kids is 10 TIMES the work of having 1. However hard it is, though, it is SO worth it. And I am sure it will get easier as Mahala gets older, right....?!

Top 10: Things we have learned about Mahala

2009-08-05T02:08:00.001-04:00

10. Mahala is a little Houdini - she figured out a way to sneak out of my uterus, can wiggle out of the tightest swaddle blanket (even the Miracle Blanket!), and pulls her arms out of her carseat straps.

9. She loves to clasp her hands together.

8. Mahala has a veracious appetite. She has been known to eat 9 ounces within 1.5 hours!

7. Her cry is not a newborn cry. She came out with some VERY strong lungs.

6. She loves to be held and be snuggled.

5. Mahala sleeps well for a 2 week old (knock on wood).

4. Born with blonde highlights. Seriously. She has dark hair with streaks of white blonde hair.

3. We call her "the baracouda." She is both super hungry and a super sucker!

2. She has some big 'ol feet and long toes.

1. Is beautiful!

My Visitors

2009-08-04T21:28:00.003-04:00

While we were in the hospital, we had several visitors come to meet Miss Mahala.

Shannan stopped by.

Grandma and Great Grandma.

Elvira.

Tara and Mia (Vinnie and Zane)

Joyce from work also stopped by, but I am missing the picture of her and Mahala. I think it might be on one of our iPhones.

Mahala Arline makes her debut

2009-07-30T17:13:00.014-04:00

Mahala Arline made her debut on Wednesday, July 22nd at 9:57AM. She is beautiful and we are so excited to have welcomed her into our family and are enjoying getting to know her. She weighed in at 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and 19.5 inches in length.

We went in for a scheduled repeat c-section (Kasja was breech and delivered via c-section), arriving at the hospital at 7:00AM, got checked in and hooked up to monitors in pre-OP. Everything looked great -- I was nervous, and was getting more so as each minute passed. I had some anxiety about the surgery but managed to stay calm. The hospital recently completed a new women's center addition that included the install of these really cool heated hospital gowns; it kept me entertained and distracted. At 9:00AM, we were given the go to prepare for the operating room. Chris suited up in his white jumpsuit, he was "fired-up" excitement, meanwhile my heart had dropped into my stomach. I kept reminding myself that there was no point in being nervous... being nervous was not going to change the fact that surgery was impending - and reminded myself that the surgery was very routine and safe for me and Mahala. Chris did a great job of keeping me calm too.

We walked to the operating room, Chris took a chair outside while they prepped me. They gave me my spinal... and a calm came over me. There must be some really good drugs in that stuff. At that point, I was ready to meet Mahala and know that she was healthy and safe. They lifted the drape so I could not see the surgery and Chris was brought in. In a snap, the medical team was down to business and I was opened up. Then... we hear the DR say, "OH MY GOD!" Totally said with the !!!! and deserving of all CAPS. Chris was sure he would quickly be escorted out and an emergency would follow... I was on some good drugs so it did not really phase me. Apparently, my uterus had ruptured. Uterine rupture is one of the most serious, deadly complications of pregnancy; I had no symptoms and my DR determined it happened sometime in the last weeks of the pregnancy. Mahala was no longer in my uterus, but my abdominal cavity, thankfully she was snug inside the amniotic sack. The scar from Kasja's delivery had opened and the pressure opened up enough for Mahala to sneak out of the uterus. There was some evidence of previous bleeding but it had stopped due to the pressure the amniotic sack was putting on tears. A benefit was a quick delivery, within 4 minutes of being opened up, Mahala was delivered and she cried immediately. We were overjoyed! And happy to have a little miracle baby.

They gave Miss Mahala her first bath, put my uterus back together, and stitched me up. I carried on conversations with the medical team about the bachelorette, recently watched movies, etc... to pass time.
We stayed in the hospital for four days, going home on Saturday. Kasja was at home with a nasty cold so she was unable to visit.

Tired baby, tired mama

2009-07-19T01:35:00.010-04:00

Kasja and I chillin' on the couch after an exhausting trip to the grocery.

But... just 10 minutes later...

This proves a few things to me:

1. I really should have napped instead of watching TV, the naps seem to work.

2. We need to quit buying toys and just give Kasja empty boxes, etc...

3. Mirrors lie; I had no idea my belly had gotten that BIG!

Nesting... we're ready (as ready as you can be, anyway)!

2009-07-16T22:46:00.015-04:00

Back, with impending arrival of Kasja, I was determined to personally sew all of the bedding, curtains, etc... for her room. I must admit, this time, I did not sew any of Mahala's room gear (although she did inherit some from Kasja). I did get obsessed with this weekender bag that I could use for to bring Mahala's and I JUST HAD to make before I would even think about packing a hospital bag. Let me tell you - this bag was a b!tch to make. Seriously. Broke lots of needles, even the foot for my sewing machine. But post hand-made piping, handles, pockets, etc... the bag is finished; and now packed! I am pretty proud of myself.

Mahala's room is all set too! Chris hung a special mobile that hung above both his and his mother's crib. It is made of painted wood angels that will watch over our baby while she sleeps. I found a special sign to hang above her rocking chair that reminds me of my childhood. Her blinds and curtains have been hung (not to mention all of the girly clothes in her closet as well). Bedding washed and every detail attended too (I think). We still have to plug in her monitor -- although, I am not so fired up about that; we will have two baby monitors in use (note: sudden moment of panic sneaking up...). Overall, we have all of the "stuff" ready, now are we? Exciting, crazy times ahead, here we come full speed (no point in hesitating now, right?!). I am very excited to meet and get to know little Mahala - see what she looks like, watch her little personality develop. Next Wednesday is the BIG day, unless Mahala decides to come early. We'll keep y'all posted!

(and I still have not finished hanging, ironing the clothes!)

Beautiful Princess Kasja

2009-07-09T08:21:00.002-04:00

We snapped these a few nights ago.

I think they turned out great - my baby is growing into such a big girl.

(the first one is my favorite)

Update

2009-06-03T08:29:00.004-04:00

We have been quite busy lately... Chris was in Singapore for business for two weeks, my mom and Auntie Becca were in town to visit and help me out while Chris was away; mom and Becca left last Friday afternoon with tears in everyone's eyes, while Chris returned Friday at midnight to one happy little girl who made googly eyes at her daddy all the way home from the airport at 1AM.

This week has been filled with unpacking, laundry, and repacking (work, evening teleconferences, etc...) - Chris heads off again Friday, this time to Minnesota to pick up his mom and grandma. He is flying to MN and driving back with "Rusty the Dog" in tow. We are hoping to welcome the crew to Austin sometime Wednesday or Thursday. After that, everyone should be staying put until Mahala makes her debut in mid-July. Chris has been so busy for the last two months with all of this travelling, and not to mention moving house and starting a new job! He has earned lots of gold stars! (especially after the beautiful rare pearl necklace he brought home for me from Singapore - I'll get a pic).

Kasja is growing up faster than you can blink. Her favorite words lately are NO, NOT, MINE, and SIT (she likes to boss the dogs). She understands both Spanish and English, which is kinda fun. She has given up her morning bottle, and I am hoping by the end of the week to do away with bottles completely by getting rid of the bedtime bottle. She was probably ready to give them up a while ago, I think mama is more attached to them than the little Miss. She has been into pretending lately with her baby and dishes; she likes to feed, kiss, hug, and snuggle the baby and makes (plastic) scrambled eggs better than any other sous chef, she also like to pretend feed everyone. It is pretty cute and amazing to me how she learns all of this stuff.

Mahala has been kicking away (usually in the middle of the night or when I am trying to concentrate during a work meeting) and growing quickly herself (i.e. recently grew out of a set of pants and my belly hangs out the bottom of my shirts - ugh!). I am getting to that point where I am really ready to meet this little lady but know she needs to cook for a few more weeks. We are scheduled for a c-section on July 22; if Mahala is anything like her sister, she'll come around July 13. Regardless, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, however this time I know what we are in for with a newborn... I guess there is no turning back now :) Someone at work the other day said something along the lines of "well, if you take a maternity leave... " To which few ladies (and I) laughed... IF - do I have a choice at this point? Like oh, I guess I am just not going to have that baby after all. We are getting excited, but it is crazy how different it is the second time around, but that is a whole different post.

The boys have settled into the new house. Leto "fell" (was bumped in by Jesse) into the pool twice in the last few weeks - this has spurred lots of new barking at the pool monster (i.e. little cleaner thingy that scoots around the bottom). Jesse missed his dad and his authority and has found a new fav comfy spot on the couch, good thing Chris is back since I am not nearly the alpha male that he is (obviously, right).

Memorial Day weekend marked a year since Zeus passed. After a year, it is a little easier but I am still pretty sad. I still miss him, talk about him a lot. I was chatting with one of my friends, Christophe, and he said something that really hit me... Zeus would want you to get over him and move on - loving him is letting go (not rocket science but an ah-ha moment for me nonetheless). Christophe is so right. Since that conversation, I have been trying to shift my mind around loving and letting go, and it is helping. That and a lot of chocolate and ice cream.

I do not have any new pics -- my mom has some that I need to get from her. I'll be sure to snap a few this weekend and post them on here. So long for now!

The BEST Austin-area Nanny Available

2009-05-18T08:54:00.001-04:00

It is with sadness that we had to give our nanny the news that our family will no longer need her; grandma will be caring for our little munchkin(s) starting mid-June, so Raquel's (our nanny) last day with us will be June 12th. I know it can be very difficult to find a great nanny, especially around the time school gets out -- and Raquel is THE PERFECT NANNY. She has raised four girls and helped me navigate through this first time mom stuff.

So... if you are in the Austin area and looking for a nanny - drop me a comment and I would be happy to help facilitate a match-up and answer any questions you may have. I really want to help Raquel find the perfect family since she has been so good to us.

Mom & Becca to the rescue

2009-05-13T08:29:00.001-04:00

Chris is leaving for a two week business trip to Singapore Friday and Kasja and I were going to be on our own. I thought, this could be difficult - but we can do it - single moms do it all of the time, right?!

Until recently, I had not really been showing my pregnancy; all of a sudden it really hit me; I am moving slower, my belly: HUGE. Anyway, Sunday night, we were lounging getting Kasja ready for bed... she has this thing about getting up and down from couches/beds right now. Without thinking, I twisted while lifting her up on the bed and over my belly - BAD IDEA! I felt a pull in my ribs. Worse off, within 30 seconds, Kasja was back on the floor asking to come up on the bed, and I twisted while lifting her up and over me, again. If the first time it was a BAD IDEA, not sure what doing it the second time was besides complete STUPIDITY. When the moment of STUPIDITY hit me, I felt a tear in my right mid-rib section. Then it was numb. Hmmm... the stupidity ensued and I thought not a lot of it. Woke up in the middle of the night with screaming/stabbing/supersucky pain when I either 1. breathed or 2. moved. Great! I spent Monday attempting to hide my pain (after researching it could take many weeks to heal) and convince Chris that I could handle Kasja on my own when he leaves for Singapore. Apparently, I am not a good actor.

By Tuesday, deep down, I knew that I could not handle Kasja on my own for two weeks. I seriously can barely breathe much less lift, twist, and buckle her into a carseat. Not really ready to admit defeat, and holding out hope for a fast recovery, I kept telling Chris I could handle it knowing (err... thinking/praying) I would make it through some way (strong women SUCK IT UP and DEAL, right?!). I talked to my mom over lunch, and she called me out on it. She told me I did not sound good; she could hear my pain through my voice, and that she was going to talk to my dad when he got home from work about holding down the fort so she could come to Austin to help out, afterall she and Becca did not have many commitments anyway.

At first, I thought, great, cool, thanks. But, you know, I really can do it all by myself. For real. I can. It is a motto I have believed deeply in since being a toddler (I am told) and something I am starting to see in my own daughter -- a fierce streak of independence/self reliance. But is accepting help, defeat? Or make you weak? I went back to my work teleconference thinking about this and the example I lead for my own daughter. My phone rings. It's my mom.

Mom: "Check your email recently?"

Me: "Yeah... wait, which one... oh gmail, no - checking it."

Mom: "Our itinerary is in your inbox, Becca and I get in Friday evening, we're staying for two weeks to take care of you and Kasja."

Me: "I didn't know dad was home yet... seriously, THANK YOU!"

I told Chris the news when he got home from work. All day, he had been worrying/trying to find some help to visit knowing what I was not ready to admit. It is an understatement to say Chris was relieved, shouting "Your Mom is a SAINT!"

The lesson I have learned here is that asking for/accepting help is not defeat. Sometimes, knowing when you need help is what makes you strong. And that moms ROCK! Even when you are a mom yourself - sometimes you still need your mom to take care of you. I hope Kasja (and Mahala) give me that opportunity someday.

On becoming a cheapskate

2009-05-12T08:45:00.001-04:00

So... I must admit, I have been sucked in. I went to Target yesterday, and bought a crap-load of stuff, including a bunch of evil wheat crackers for Chris, BBQ sauce, 3 gallons of milk, a nasty diet coke for myself to enjoy on my way home (oh, how I wish I hated the taste of the stuff, but it is SOOOO yummy) and a dark chocolate bar for $11.15. The milk alone was almost $11, so Target pretty much paid me to take everything else off of their hands. My mom regularly blogs about ways to save money and has made some friends who do the same, including a super cool mom at It's Hip to Save. Now these ladies, including my mom, are way insanely into this couponing stuff. I have always been a bit of a brand whore... sporting an addiction to Aveda, European shoes, Ralph Lauren Black Label, Ethan Allen... I don't like to be loud about it, I just like to buy the best that I can afford, but with a one kiddo in tow, another on the way, and a new house (not to mention the economy) - I sometimes ask myself -- aren't there better ways to spend that money we have worked so hard for? I aways try to get the brands I like for the best price (i.e. finding something I really like, and watching it go on sale) but this is truly taking cheap to a new level. Isn't Target brand baby shampoo for $0.34 just as good as the California Kids crap that costs $10?

This is not to say that I am reformed and cured of my addictions, rehab may still be in my future, however, I did get a thrill out of trying to make my check at Target be as low as possible being that I rarely get out of the place for under $150. It was only $11! And I got 3 bags of stuff. Seriously. Supercool!

Pools, ice cream & cake... what a weekend!

2009-05-04T09:26:00.001-04:00

Kasja came down with a common childhood virus this past weekend (hand, foot, and mouth disease), so DRs orders were... ice cream, milkshakes, and soft food. Well... I can tell you there were no complaints from Miss Kasja as she enjoyed her first icepop. (We did not mind either, there was no way Kasja could eat the entire box we were "forced," er... on DRs orders, to buy, so we helped out too).

Chris and Kasja braved the cold water and took a dip in the pool. Chris had jumped in Saturday, making the first official venture into the Howe's backyard pool - I thought he was crazy -- Sunday afternoon, we were letting Kasja dangle her feet in - and before we knew it, we had to strip her down and let her swim. I am still way to chicken to get in... yes, I know it is 90+ degrees out, however the water is still a bit too chilly for me. Maybe by the weekend after we have a few more warm nights. Anyway, Miss Kasja LOVED the water. She splashed, giggled, and kicked. Definitely a fish in the making. Daddy enjoyed the special moment swimming with his little girl, too.

And... it was Chris' birthday last Sunday (the 26th) and I made him a cake. I recently learned he loves Angelfood cake. Being a gluten-free house, this is not something you can just go out and buy. It took me a few days to get all of the flours needed, and to get brave enough to tackle the recipe. Anyway, the cake turned out OK. Tasted wonderful, a little dense. I think I over folded when I added the flour. But, here is my first attempt at making a gluten-free Angelfood cake. Not quite up to par with Grandma Eke's... I told Chris he is going to have to suffer through another try at it this week (he did not complain).

Rub-a-dub-dub

2009-04-28T08:53:00.001-04:00

... look at these two cuties in the tub! I know they will kill their mothers someday for snapping these pics - but they are so cute, so how can you resist!

Already?

2009-04-23T08:41:00.001-04:00

Check out the video below...

Notice, how interested the dogs are in Kasja's newly mastered skill... without thumbs, this is something they could never accomplish, just a lot of scratched up doors for which they know the consequence - now they have Kasja to open the doors for them; it is a dream come true for the boys, and evidence of why dogs and kids become best pals. Anyway, this is a skill no one has taught nor encouraged Kasja to learn - she picked it up on her own. It is amazing how quick they learn. My days of setting Kasja on the floor and blow drying my hair are OVER.

Our first family get together in the new house

2009-04-17T09:29:00.000-04:00

We moved into the new house this past weekend, and hosted the Riemers (AKA the BEST realtors in the WORLD) for Easter dinner. It was awesome! We had unpacked most of the cooking tools we needed - however, lacked a can opener and wine bottle cork thingy... nothing that a few innovative 30 somethings couldn't find solutions for. Kathy and Wade also stopped by to check out the new place, and give Jacob and Kasja some Easter treats. It felt so great to be home.
We spent Monday getting all of the big stuff from the old house. We hired 3 guys to help Chris out, since I am a worthless bump on a log when it comes to lifting crap, being preggo and all. Chris and the guys worked until 11PM. I thought we had moved and unpacked most of the kitchen shtuff on Saturday, boy - was I wrong! Tuesday and Wednesday we spent wrapping up little stuff at the old place, and by dinner time Wednesday, we had said our good-byes to 609 Lido. I have to admit that I took one last long look at the tree Zeus used to lay under and had a little tear fall -- other than that, I do not miss the place. We take our memories with us (and Zeus, he is in a box on top of the fire place) - and our new home has all of the features a growing family could ever dream of. We have had several people out (friends, contractors, etc...) and it is amazing how much people rave about the house. I mean, I love it, would not have bought it otherwise, but I do not expect others to like it so much. The cable guy yesterday was even commenting on our stair rails, weird.

So... we are moved. Settled, no. That will take some time - but we are LOVING our new home!

Walking, walking...

2009-04-06T10:43:00.000-04:00

I so have that Raffi song stuck in my head (all parents out there, you know the one: walking walking, walking walking, hop hop hop, hop hop hop, running running running, running running running, now you stop). Anyway, this little clip was taken a few weeks ago when Kasja was really working on honing her walking skiils. What is so true about the Raffi song, is that... these kids learn to walk - then before you know it, are running and hopping circles around you. It is amazing! We'll make a clip sometime this week to show you how quickly her wobbly steps have turned into sure-footed walking/running.

She can have her cake, and eat it too!

2009-04-06T10:19:00.000-04:00

1st Birthday Pics!

2009-04-06T09:45:00.002-04:00

Due to many requests :) here are a few pics from Kasja's first birthday party two weekends ago. I had every intention to edit a few of them, but it is just too crazy with the move and all right now. So, here they are, edits will be later.

We had lots of help openning gifts.

Kasja loved her chocolate cake!

Everyone loved the bouncy house.

We had a house full! It was fun to have one more party before the big move this week. We had such a good time, and arethankful to everyone who came out to celebrate Kasja's big day with us.

Kasja is 1!

2009-03-23T22:48:00.003-04:00

Miss Kasja is no longer a baby -- officially a toddler now! She turned 1 this past Thursday. Right as she was waking, Chris and I sang her happy birthday -- and that was about it for the "fun" birthday events on her actual birthday. She was sick; running a fever and had a snotty nose -- and we were in the process of selling our house (you read that right, were -- IT SOLD! We have fantastic realtors!) and had the buyer coming through for an inspection in the afternoon, so.... we have a birthday party planned for our little miss this weekend. I'll take plenty of pics and post them here for those who are out of town. It is just so hard to believe a year has past already, where does time go? -- and I am no longer mama to a little baby but an independent toddler, who's walking, talking, and has many ideas of her own.

Fav Recent Pics

2009-03-17T18:20:00.002-04:00

Can't sleep & what ifs?

2009-03-16T23:46:00.003-04:00

Tonight, I am super tired. Got up with Kasja this morning at 5AM, worked a full day, ate a drive through dinner (if you could call it that) in the car with Chris, the dogs, and Kasja because of a house showing -- was dead tired when my head hit the pillow -- only to stare at the ceiling, thinking. Thinking - what if this... what if that... then that means this... and I follow the dominoes in my mind down every possible track, until I make up a new track. I must admit, this is typical Kristy. I have never been able to shut off my mind; it is why I (or shall I say my husband) have so many fantastic sleep walking stories to share. I have even been in for a sleep study about it -- it being my inability to shut my mind down -- and the only thing they confirmed for me -- is yes indeed, my mind does not shut down like "normal" people. Great, thanks, coulda told ya that. I have semi-obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and would never change that about myself; it is part of what makes me different and good at the few things I am good at -- I just wish -- I could selectively turn it off at night so I can sleep. Ugh!

Something interesting to say?

2009-03-12T10:07:00.003-04:00

I've decided that for this post, I am challenging myself to blog about something completely unrelated to any of the following topics: Kasja, my dogs, being pregnant, my husband, or the current effort to sell/buy a house, oh, and work too. So... (hear the Jeopardy music in the background) hmmm... am I really that boring that anything interesting I may have to say must have to do with my kids, family or work? and who is to say those topics are interesting to anyone but me? I remember being that single girl listening to a few of my (beloved) girlfriends ramble on about their kids, etc... and all I was hearing was blah blah blah (recall an episode of Fraizer where Frazier's dad just hears this when Frazier talks, similar to how the dog hears Frazier's dad - anyway, it is hilarious). Now, it is not that I did not dearly love my friends, their families but give a girl a break and talk about something else for a change.

Fast forward a few years... here I am. With nothing to say. I am self aware enough to know I have chatty tendencies and usually can ramble on about anything really. The election is over, the economy sucks, my shoes are killing my feet... what did the old Kristy talk about all of the time? I know, I probably would have spent some time on the shoes topic, but what else? My dear friend, Shannan, recently blogged about being happy and missing something - when I thought about it, of course I am happy, but her post really spoke to my need for individuality and how that has been a low priority in recent years. There are so many people and things to take care of, first. And, I love that, and would have it no other way but something I really cared about seems to have gone on a little hiatus - and I am not even sure quite what it is. All I can really boil it down to is bits of my individuality. For example - having "different" hair was a Kristy trademark (blogged about it back in November). I always wanted to have it styled just a little different - but not way out there - but just a little extra something that made you think - "there is something different/interesting about her." I dressed the same way, just a little detail that would give some funk. Now, there is little time to think about those details. I am a happy, suburban, busy, working mom, what is there to fret about?

Back to those killing feet. Bought these shoes during a girls shopping day at the Domain a month or so back. Michael Kors. Got a great deal, $49 (instead of $200) but they were just a tad too big (half size, nothing that could not be fixed with an insert). Post insert, they are super comfortable when worn bare foot - however with socks - supersucky! (it is cold in Austin, socks are a necessity today). My feet are sliding and I walk like a dope in them. Whatever - they are still fabulous shoes.

beggars must not be...

2009-03-10T08:29:00.004-04:00

Due to several requests, here are a few "recent" pics of Kasja. They are from January - so she looks so much more grown up since these were taken, however I had not previously shared these - so enjoy.

January in Texas

2009-03-10T08:16:00.004-04:00

I had these pics sitting on the computer and figured it was about time I posted them... just a sample of January in Texas for all y'all northern'ers. I'd like to say I waited to post them until now, so that it did not rub in how great our weather is here, when you all are still in the thick of winter, however I was just being lazy.

Do you want to buy my house?

2009-03-04T13:27:00.007-05:00

That's right - we are listing our house for sale (officially on Thursday night or Friday morning). While our house was perfect for the transient, unmarried couple on a brief hiatus from Minneapolis three years ago; it does not have the space required to raise our now growing family with extended family help, a nanny, dogs, and plenty of visitors. It is the perfect 3 bedroom. 2.5 bath house, really! When I look at the houses we will be potentially moving into, they are missing the charm, character our house has. If I could feed my house some growth hormone, I totally would. So much has happened at our home; Chris got down on one knee the day we moved in, our post wedding bash with family in the backyard, our children conceived, it's where we brought Kasja home, and Zeus spent his final days... I start to cry at the thought of leaving a place that has been such a part of me, but it is time. So... please buy my house - or suggest it to a friend, but promise to love it as much as we do. It is a magical house, full of special memories.

A walk for Lido memory lane:

Leto is having dental surgery today

2009-02-27T09:15:00.004-05:00

Leto "the frito bandito" is having detail surgery today. Being a little man includes increased dental issues for him, and because he regularly eats sh!t, led us to set a date for our beloved Leto to go under to get his teeth cleaned. He was a little off this morning - dogs by nature love structure - and our dogs enjoy the military like structure and schedule "Big Daddy" (aka Chris) employs in our house; this is a good thing for Leto and his anxiety. Well, this morning, he did not get fed at 4:45AM with his brother Jesse. The rest of the morning, anytime someone would move, Leto was sure they were getting up to go feed him and he would bail to the kitchen. By the time Raquel (our nanny) arrived, Leto figured he was SOL on breakfast and just curdled up pouting in the corner of my room while I showered. When I left for work, Leto got to "GO WITH," he was pretty fired-up! Then, I dropped him off at the vet and he started quivering. My heart broke, and I started to worry for my little cockroach hunter (Leto's other nickname). I signed all of the paperwork and reminded the vet tech that we would like his nails to get a good trim since he will be out. I also asked if they could "sand down" any sharp teeth and make them a little more rounded since he has been known to bite in the past -- I explained that my dentist had done this to my teeth, not because I bite, but to adjust "my bite," kinda the same thing, right?! -- so that I was sure it was humane -- the tech looked at me weird and said she would ask Dr. Terrell, but that she had never heard of anyone doing that to their dog before. Good thing we know Eric (the vet) well, otherwise if there is an equivalent to CPS for dogs, the tech may call on me. Whatever.

By the way, I am sorry for not blogging in forever! I have tons of pics to post in the coming days - and tons to write about to catch y'all up on Team Howe adventures. To be continued.

1st Molars

2009-01-29T08:21:00.001-05:00

After a few nights of restless sleep last week (caused by my daughter's restless sleep) and reading other moms' post on BabyCenter Boards on causes of new sleep patterns (she has always slept well through the night, 7:30PM/8:00PM - 6:30AM/7:00AM like clockwork), consensus on the boards was she was likely teething... I decided to get brave enough to stick my finger in Kasja's mouth to see if she was cutting teeth (mind you, she has a full set of 8 teeth already, all very sharp). I thought it was too early for her first molars to be coming in - however, I never expected her to get her first teeth a 2.5 months either. Ah ha! She had already cut her first molar (top left) and the other 3 we swolen and looked pretty sore. Poor baby! We dealt with a few more nights of waking through the night, and would give her motrin if she did not fall back asleep. This week however, as the sleep battle/cutting teeth rages on we decided that it would not hurt anything to drug the poor baby as we put her down for the night rather than waiting for her to wake in pain. That worked two nights ago - and I thought we had this teething thing down to a science. Tried again last night with a dose of her favorite drug at bedtime thinking we were smooth sailing from there... WRONG! She was up at 1:00AM, Dad tried to rock her back to sleep until 2:00AM at which point he called for reinforcements. I tried to snuggle with her in the bed in her room until 3:00AM - it was a no go! Finally, at 3:45AM after waging my last defense and giving her a bottle, she fell asleep. Fearful to try to put her back in her crib, Kasja and I slept in her big kid bed until 7:00AM (she slept, I dealt with a tornado and tried to catnap). Anyway, I can officially say cutting molars is way worse than cutting regular teeth - and, this mama needs some sleep (feel like I may be on the verge of losing my mind, that is, if I haven't already and am just not aware of it).

It seems that this teething thing always comes up as a surprise to me... like, she just got teeth, why does she need more... or aren't those called 1 year molars since they are supposed to come after 1 year of age? Seriously. Why can't teeth just come in on a specified schedule so I can plan accordingly?!

Kasja is standing on her own!

2009-01-15T21:54:00.005-05:00

Kasja started standing on her own this weekend, she practiced a little Friday and Saturday, and by Sunday she could stand without holding onto anything for almost a minute! She has been standing for some time holding onto things - now she can do it all on her own. Here is a pic and a video from Sunday. This is one proud mama!

Christmas 2008

2008-12-28T16:53:00.008-05:00

We decorated our house - love to decorate, really disliking the thought that we have to put everything away!

Kasja watched Daddy make his special meatballs

We played Wii... Shannan had GREAT form bowling :)

Kasja got a new swing for the backyard for Christmas - she loves it!

The daddies figured out how and where to hang the swing. They decided we need some rope extensions.

Kasja shared her toys...

J. Henry loved his new truck!

And... climbed in the toy box - head first!

Thanks to Great-Grandma Arline, Kasja & Mama had matching Christmas PJs.

Kasja Enjoyed opening gifts - must be an innate ability kids are born with, kinda like breathing.

Kasja enjoyed playing with J. Henry

She was inspired by J. Henry and really got to crawling and has been moving non-stop since!

We visited Santa, but did not get too close.

And... went to church Christmas Eve with the Riemer's for a candle light service.

(PS: I am still learning how to edit on the Mac - so bear with me a little)

Daddy's hat... is too BIG for baby

2008-12-27T15:40:00.003-05:00

Santa

2008-12-27T15:36:00.002-05:00

We procrastinated and waited until Chrismas Eve (while we were on our way to church) to visit Santa.... this is as close as we got! Figure it is good enough - Kasja has a little thing about strangers lately anyway. Trauma avoided - this year!

Classic Minnesota Morning

2008-12-15T07:10:00.000-05:00

Growning up in Minnesota, there was always anticipation the morning after a snowfall... will school be cancelled? excitement to go out and play... it was fun to see Kasja wonder about the snow.

Meeting the family

2008-12-12T07:17:00.001-05:00

We just returned from Minnesota where we introduced Kasja to the fam. She hung out with some who met her when she was a bity baby and got to meet some for the first time. Here are the pics we were able to catch (ps: please send any y'all might have snapped my way).

Communication gaps & loss of identity

2008-11-19T22:24:00.005-05:00

I am being a little dramatic - bear with me. Since moving to Austin, I have been struggling to find a hairstylist. Granted, I was spoiled in Minneapolis with Kelly so they are some big shoes to fill. I recently found JR Salon and thought I had a good thing going... now, my color is ok - not fabulous, but it works. My cut - different story. I brought in a picture of ME with the haircut I wanted (see pic on the right). Angela cut my hair, who I have seen give other people GREAT haircuts. So... I do not know if my communication approach is all wrong (again, used a picture of myself with the haircut I wanted). Anyway, this is what I got:

Now. It is NOT terrible - however, I do not see how this cut is equivalent to what I asked for? Looks to be about 3 inches shorter than in my picture. Seriously, WTF. Not sure how I could have made what I wanted more clear! I have not yet shed tears about this haircut, I am however struggling with my new do. With Kelly, I always had some hair funkiness going on, it became part of my style (and me). Chris commented last night about my hair - and how it was not a cut he would expect me to get, but that it was a "nice mommy" look. Don't got me wrong, I LOVE being a mom, but I also LOVE being Kristy. My hair was one thing I could keep completely mine and now it will be about 6+ months before it grows back. On the positive side, at least I still have hair - and that it will eventually grow back. I am going to do the best I can with it, I figure hair product and some clips, maybe I'll bust out my crimping iron :)Well, that's my selfish little rant - thanks for listening!

Itinerary for December visit to Minnesota

2008-11-18T07:25:00.000-05:00

So... we are going to make it to MN afterall in December. Here is the itinerary - it is quite tight (as always). Please take note and try to catch us!

Friday, December 5th: Arrive, Dayton's (er.. Marshall Fields, er... Macys?) 8th floor, Holidazzle Parade, and dinner.

Saturday, December 6th: Visit to Great-Granny & Grandpa's in Rochester in (mid-morning - afternoon), Kasja's meet & greet with friends at Haerter's Saturday evening.

Sunday, December 7th: Brunch with the Eke's: Great Grandma & Grandpa, Great Aunts & Uncles, and Aunts & Uncles at the Eke's fav breakfast joint near Northtown (the name escapes me). Afternoon party @ Nate & Stacey's. Matt, I hope you can make it since it will be your b-day and I would like to give my bro a big hug!

Monday, December 8th: Meet & greet with Carl & Jenny (and kiddos) after work.

Tuesday, December 9th: Currently open after 5:30PM.

Wednesday, December 10th: Currently open after 5:30PM.

Thursday, December 11th: Lunch with Grandma & Grandpa Yurcek, Aunt Becca & Aunt Detamara, fly home.

Thank you, Grandma Lorna!

2008-11-17T18:49:00.001-05:00

Thank you for the beautiful hand-made sweater and hat - Kasja has already received LOTS of compliments!

Kasja First Movie Adventure

2008-11-17T18:35:00.010-05:00

We brought Kasja to her first movie last night, Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa. It was great! She loved the movie and spent most of the time standing on my knees laughing at the screen. We got her ready for bed and went to the 6:45PM show; the timing could not have been better: during the movie she chugged her last bottle and before we even got out of the parking lot, she was passed out for the night. Score 2 points for mom & dad! I suppose it goes without saying: we will be going to more movies!!!

PS: Kasja is now in her big girl carseat!
PSS: Re-reading my post, just realized I am quite into :'s today: nice! A change from the usual -'s.

Super Saturday - Visiting the extremes of Texas

2008-11-17T17:46:00.010-05:00

Last week, we watched a special on KLRU on the Best BBQ in Texas and found out it was only about an hours drive from Austin... the Riemer's also watched the same show so when we mentioned we wanted to make the drive to Lexington, they were game and we were off to Snows. We had to be there early, as they usually sell-out by 11am (yes, we had BBQ for breakfast). Anyway, the drive was beautiful and the BBQ was AWESOME! At 10:30AM, the ribs were already sold out (fine for me, eating meat off of the bone totally grosses me out), they had everything else and we stuffed our faces. Kasja loved the potato salad (so did I). So, that was our morning - and the first extreme of Texas - country, a little backward, quaint town.

We drove back to Austin, made a pit stop at the Riemer's then went a to children's carnival on South Congress at Homeslice benefiting "Keep Austin Beautiful." The children's hip hop artist, Big Don performed. There was also a gypsy band, both J. Henry and Kasja were entralled by the gypsys, a break dancing competition, some mustache painting and of course pizza (and beer) for the non-glutemaniacs. It was totally South Congress - background for non-Austinites, South Congress is the hippie capital on the hippie blue island of Austin within the red sea of Texas.

VOTE!

2008-11-03T07:15:00.002-05:00

Kasja reminds you... VOTE tomorrow!

PS: Thank you, Shannan, for my super cool onesie.

Halloween fun

2008-11-03T07:02:00.002-05:00

Kasja's Great Beach Adventure Book

2008-10-30T08:40:00.003-04:00

I have put together a book of our trip to Bermuda. Check it out - if you want to order one, it is about $25 and takes about 5 - 7 days to deliver. I just ordered ours today - I look forward to reading it to her, she'll be the star of her own book. Link to book

Kasja's Great (beach) Adventure

2008-10-21T21:12:00.004-04:00

Today was Kasja's first (of many to come) beach adventure days. She and Dad hung out while I was in a work conference all day. Kasja tried some of the sand - it did not taste too good, so one bite was all that was needed. Chris also took her on a long run - here in Bermuda there is an old rail track that was turned into a running trail - spanning the length of most of the island, Dad and Kasja ran about 7 miles of it this morning. And, they squeezed in a nap, again, I was in a work conference all day. We did end the night at a BBQ on the beach along with a few rum swizzles (the local drink of choice, yum!).

PS: Swizzles is a difficult word to say (and remember) after a few swizzles, of course you would ask, "why do you have to say it, after a few, that is?" My answer is, "but of course, to order another!"

Ciao!

We have a video to post... coming soon!

$25 Giftcards for $2!

2008-10-14T20:04:00.005-04:00

Hey - saw this on a mommy blog, and thought I would pass on. Go to Restaurants.com using this link and promo code "EIGHTY" and you will get $25 gift cards for $2! I ordered 4, be careful and read the terms each restaurant has listed - some are great deals, others are just so so. Not sure how long the code will be valid for, so order right away!

Beautiful Bride

2008-10-13T07:15:00.002-04:00

This past weekend, I headed to LA to help Mari try on wedding dresses! She is going to be the most beautiful bride! She looked great in EVERY dress she tried; we made it to 4 shops, including one on Robertson Blvd (i.e. the "new" Rodeo, near the Ivy) in Beverly Hills where I made Mari try on a $10K Valentino dress - she was not even tempted to buy it :) as there were many better at a much more appropriate $$ tag. Only one of the shops let us take pics - so here are a few, unfortunately, the boutique where she found "the" dress did not allow pics, plus... the dress must be kept secret anyway until the wedding. I had a great time and felt pretty lucky to take her shopping for her wedding dress. It was a special shopping trip and a very special woman.

After dress shopping, we had dinner at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood, then I got to pamper the bride (and of course pamper myself in the process) by treating her to a manicure and pedicure and some flowers for her new place. Below is a pic describing how we feel about pushy bridal shop people!

We ended the night with a few cocktails and some wedding planning in the spa at her apartment, then watched girly movies! It was a PERFECT girls weekend!

Leukemia Cup Regatta

2008-10-06T08:53:00.003-04:00

Chris and team sailed in the Leukemia Cup Regatta at The Austin Yacht Club this past weekend - and took 7th place (out of 12)! This is quite an accomplishment for a newer crew. Here are a few pics they snapped during practice runs Saturday. Chris runs the front of the boat, Carolyn the center and Greg is the skipper.

My aunt rocks!

2008-10-05T19:34:00.005-04:00

Thank you, Becca, for the coolest t-shirt a niece could wish for - and for being a rockin' aunt!

I wore my favorite shirt today and played outside with my mom and the puppies. I am sitting by myself so well now! My mom says I sure have a cute baby belly that hangs out over my jeans - she says they are that way so mommies can give lots of extra belly kisses. PS: Links are my favorite toys, can you tell?! :)

Love,

Kasja

Baby's 1st Passport

2008-10-04T14:28:00.002-04:00

Miss Kasja received her first passport in the mail today; she is now able to travel the world, just in time for our trip to Bermuda later this month. We are leaving in just over two weeks -- such a bummer that I will have to work while we are there :( It is funny that this passport will be good for five years, she already looks so different and the pic was just taken a few weeks ago.

Missing Zeus

2008-10-03T08:42:00.003-04:00

I really miss Zeus - found myself tearing up during a project meeting yesterday even... I wiped my tears and hoped no one noticed. Every once in a while I go back and read through the blog posts from when he was sick - no idea why I do this and torture myself but I do and it brings back to the surface how much I miss him. He has been gone now for over 4 months and I still deeply long to snuggle with him and chat about our days while he licks my cheeks and I kiss his nose. Realized that I do not have enough pictures of Zeus Bob to last this lifetime that I will have to live without him and hate the fact that I did not take more when I was lucky enough to have the chance - I like to think I was just to busy enjoying him in real life.

Watching the debate tonight?

2008-10-02T08:47:00.003-04:00

I wonder how many new verses will be added to this list after the debate tonight?
http://www.slate.com/id/2201342/

I cannot help but think, wow, really?! I cannot believe some small town people think this person actually represents their mentality.

Six Month Appointment

2008-09-20T08:53:00.002-04:00

Kasja had her 6 month check-up on Friday...
She weighed 17 pounds 7 ounces (80%ile), is 26 inches long (55%ile), and still has a big head at 43.5 cm around (80%ile)

Cutting Teeth

2008-09-16T08:21:00.000-04:00

Kasja cut her first upper tooth yesterday and the second upper tooth feels like it should cut sometime today. She had been a little grump this past weekend and her appetite was not what it usually is... duh, she is teething again! Of course, we did not figure that out until Dad stuck his finger in her mouth last night on a whim - thinking, hmmmm... maybe she is teething, and go figure there is another tooth in there! All I have to say is: 1. Thank God for Tylenol and 2. Sometimes I am happy I get to go to work and leave her with Miss Carolyn, teething is one of those times.

Weekend mornings...

2008-09-14T09:13:00.006-04:00

Weekend mornings are for waking up slowly, enjoying coffee (and bottle), bumming in pjs exploring the backyard, and family time.

5K in Support of Glutemaniacs

2008-09-10T08:50:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, there is a 5K for Celiac's Disease in Austin. Being a glutemaniac (I use it only as a term of endearment) myself, I will be running it and encouage all y'all to also do the same and support getting the word out about this disease that affects so many people.

Check it out:

http://www.gotguts5k.com/

It is a rain-or-shine event... not sure if that means it is a hurricane-or-shine event. I believe they will keep the website up to date...

Watermelon, avocado, prunes, oh my...

2008-09-10T08:33:00.002-04:00

We let Kasja have some "fun while eating" and the result was one little girl who was quite proud of herself, and quite messy.Nothing a bath can't fix!

Hook 'em Horns!

2008-09-08T19:14:00.008-04:00

We partied it up at the Riemer's Saturday, and Shannan and I watched the UT game with the BIGGEST half-pint UT fans and their daddies.

Us adults topped the night off with Shannan's killer gluten-free chocolate chip cookies and Redbridge beer - yum! The kiddos had plums and prunes :)

Puppies are funny

2008-08-29T09:20:00.002-04:00

A video monster has been created! Here is another of Kasja enjoying Jesse's company the other day.

Video of First Solid Food

2008-08-29T09:09:00.000-04:00

Finally figured out how to compress and upload video! Here is the video of Kasja eating rice cereal for the first time back on August 2nd.

HOPE

2008-08-29T08:28:00.004-04:00

I must admit, the Olympics did not keep me up much later than normal at night -- as it did for others I know... I was a bit more of a TV watcher than my norm, but was not ready to give up precious sleep for it. What I have been ADDICTED to is the DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION! For the last four nights - we have been glued to the convention and the analysis on CNN after it ends.

When I was younger, I remember certain members of my extended family saying... just wait until you are in a higher tax bracket, you'll become a republican. That could not be further from the truth... as I have become more financially blessed, I have felt more and more responsibility to those who are not as lucky as me. Sure, I'll complain about taxes - especially when the my hard earned money is paying for a war and cronyism in Iraq when we have children starving at home. Even more so after becoming a mom, I feel an enormous burden to ensure all children get the same opportunities I have been lucky to have, that no child goes to bed hungry, and those who are sick get the health care they desperately need.

Last night, on the 45th anniversary of Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" speech, Barack Obama accepted his nomination for Presidency. His speech moved me to laugh, cry, and FILLED me full of HOPE that we will prevail; we will again be that great nation of opportunity. These drastic times of high gas prices, terrorism, global warming, mortgage foreclosures, etc... call for drastic measures and for genuine leadership to march us forward - that is Barack - his vision and courage are unparalleled by any recent day leader and is among that of Lincoln, Kennedy, and King.

Seriously, I am just so darn EXCITED - Fired-up. For our future. We could become paralyzed by fear with all of the challenges that lie ahead... instead, let's march forward towards hope and opportunity for us and our babies that follow. BARACK OBAMA for President!

To make a donation and find out how to volunteer:
http://www.barackobama.com/

Creepy Critters

2008-08-26T18:24:00.004-04:00

I was thinking the other day... well, to be honest, I have become quite obsessed with it lately; it being creepy crawly critters and the fact that they are way to common where I live. We have quite a few of them here in central Texas that we did not have up north, for instance:

Termites (my current obsession)
Cockroaches
Rats
Scorpions
Tarantulas
Brown recluse spiders
Fire ants
Rattler snakes
...and, I swear I have seen an alligator in a pond on the golf course

SO... when all y'all moving to Texas? Did I mention we have mild winters?!

Today is the day

2008-08-19T09:55:00.000-04:00

The alternator should be in around noon today, so the crew should be on their way to MN by dinner time tonight. Phew! I feel for them...

When it rains...

2008-08-18T09:41:00.003-04:00

... it pours! No sh!t. Of course it does.

Chris took off with Grandma, Great-Grandma, and "Rusty the dog" to drive them back to Minnesota. After they arrived earlier this summer, the car battery was dead - we thought nothing of it and replaced the battery just before they left. Well, come to find out the battery was fine, it was the alternator that was bad. They broke down in Alvarado, TX. No alternator available within 300 miles so they are stranded until a part could be sent in. So, they are still in Alvarado in a La Quinta Inn. Alvarado is such a small town there are no taxis or shuttles - they hitch-hiked to the hotel, given a ride up by some (very nice) Texas hick in a pick-up truck, Chris and Rusty in the back with Grandma and Great-Grandma in the cab. Can you imagine? It is so ridiculous it is funny! Keep your fingers crossed that the part comes in today so they can continue their journey back to MN.

Kasja and I were not without some drama at home - which is good, because who wants to feel left out, right?! Nancy, our new nanny, was to start Monday morning; she had a family emergency in Mexico and had to fly out last night. No word yet and when she will be back. I am assuming we'll need someone to help out the rest of this week... I have a few big meetings that I HAVE to go into the office for. Oh - just got back-up confirmed - YEAH!

They say things happen in 3's... here's to hoping this time it only happens in 2's!

The Howe Ladies

2008-08-05T07:49:00.001-04:00

Grandma & Great Grandma are getting ready to go back to Minnesota :(, so we took some time out this past weekend for a photo shoot! You would never guess by looking that the pics that it was a scorching 103 degrees out. Kasja has recently taken quite an interest in the dogs -- I think she was smiling that them, not the camera!

Solid Foods... yum!

2008-08-04T23:35:00.004-04:00

Kasja has been enjoying her first solid foods since Saturday. She really likes it! She loves to try to help and put the spoon in her mouth, sometimes more successfully than others, we got it on video but I need to figure out how to compress it and post it -- I am just teasing you about seeing it since I have no idea about how to do this video posting stuff.

Kasja's 4 Month Appointment

2008-07-21T18:11:00.004-04:00

Kasja had her 4 month doctor appointment today. She weighs 14 pounds 11.5 ounces (75th percentile), is 24 inches long (50th percentile), and has a 42 cm head (77th percentile). She received 5 immunizations, poor baby. AND... her second bottom tooth cut this past Saturday. She showed Dr. Rawal how strong she is by pulling herself up to a standing position by just holding our fingers. She is cooing, laughing, babbling, grabbing for things, pulling everything to and into her mouth, developing her own personality -- she is growing up so fast! She also has been officially discharged from her physical therapy - YEAH!

New Pics Posted...

2008-07-18T08:07:00.004-04:00

Finally, I posted some new pics! Check it out - pics from the pool, 4th of July, Uncle Randy's visit, and just hangin' at home have been posted.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23732962@N06/

I survived...

2008-07-17T08:24:00.000-04:00

my first week of fitness boot camp! Lorna survived as well. Yeah! Man, it is kicking my butt though - and I started with a trainer this week I am getting a double butt kick. I can barely walk, have almost tossed my cookies several times, and ... I'll quit complaining. Anyway, I cannot say I would highly recommend getting up at 5AM, however if you are going to get up and workout I can tell you Austin Adventure Boot Camp will give you your money and time's worth. You will never sit there and think "this is a waste of time" but rather "what the heck did I get myself into, I'm glad I did that." Here is the website: http://www.atxbootcamp.com/

Kasja's first tooth is in!

2008-07-15T09:26:00.001-04:00

Kasja has been a little grumpy for the last few days... this happened previously and we thought she was teething, we checked and no evidence of a tooth cutting in her mouth - and then I thought she would not get teeth until at least 6 months (the books say to expect the first tooth between 6 and 9 months), so these last few days of fussiness did not trigger me to check for teeth. To our surprise, she cut her first tooth! It must have cut through the gums yesterday sometime - she has a little lower tooth. My baby is growing up so fast!!! (I have mixed feelings about that).

Jacob & Kasja

2008-06-30T11:54:00.008-04:00

Jacob and his parents (Chris & Shannan) visited us yesterday... and Jacob & Kasja had a little play date. Jacob is really excited to play with Kasja -- Kasja is just starting to take interest. It is so cute to watch. Shannan was able to catch some adorable pics! It is great to have a freind for Kasja so close in age -- I am always asking Shannan about new things Jacob is doing so I know what to prepare for, I like that she gets to do a little trail blazing for me :)

This one looks like they are telling secrets!

On an unrelated note... we have decided to put our house on the market. Crazy huh?! I know the next question - does that mean we are moving to Minneapolis? No. We have decided that we need more space with the impending live-in nanny and figure this is as good a time as any to make the move (the market is still stable in Austin, and we have our eye on a house in the neighborhood we live). So... our 4th of July weekend will include painting, packing, and cleaning.

New Pics Posted

2008-06-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

Recent pics have been added to Flickr:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23732962@N06/

Hi ho, hi ho it is off to work I go...

2008-06-23T07:49:00.003-04:00

The day I have been dreading is here already. After just over 3 months home 24/7 with my beautiful daughter, I am leaving her today to go back to work. She is being taken care of by Grandma Lorna and Great Grandma Arline and I have worked out a deal with my boss to work from home 1 - 2 days a week, so considering everything, I really do have it made but it still breaks my heart thinking that I am putting work before Kasja and that I will not get to be there when she does something new for the first time -- every time. I feel so selfish and not sure of what I even really want. ugh! A little part of me is excited to have something where I can talk to adults and use the work part of my brain but then I feel guilty and selfish all over again. I am also super concerned over how I am going to balance all of my responsibilities. When I was home, Chris had the work front, and I took care of managing the house and baby -- now I have to work too... good thing grandma is here to help. No idea how I would do this otherwise... anyway, wish me luck!

Zeus's Autopsy Results

2008-06-17T14:15:00.007-04:00

Dr. Terrell and the pathologist who originally looked at Zeus's lung biopsy when we were trying to figure out how to treat him agreed to do further testing for professional interest after Zeus died to determine if he really had a fungal infection, and if so, what kind of infection. We found out that Zeus died of cancer. He had multifocal malignant neoplasia with hemorrhage and necrosis in the lungs - consistent with metastatic hemangiosarcoma. That was a mouth full... Dr. Terrell explained to me that this means Zeus had a malignant heart tumor and it spread to his lungs as his heart pumped blood to his lungs to be oxygenated, cellular debris from the tumor passed in the blood to Zeus's lungs and the cancer cells then attached to the blood vessels in the lungs where the oxygenation of the blood occured - meaning his lungs were just full of tiny tumors everywhere which is why it looked like an infection rather than a cancer. Dr. Terrell said 98% of the time dogs have hemangiosarcoma it originates in the spleen, and the other 2% in the heart. And apparently it is a rare cancer in the first place so Zeus just had the un-luck of the draw. It is a highly malignant, aggressive cancer which is why we did not see evidence of it in the blood work. There was nothing we could have done, although in hindsight it was good for me to think we were treating something possibly curable -- it gave me hope and at the same time allowed me to let him go when it was time. I think I will always miss him.

The troops have arrived!

2008-06-11T10:25:00.003-04:00

Grandma Lorna, Great-Grandma Arline, and Rusty the dog have arrived! They drove down from northern Minnesota for the summer to help with Kasja and we could not be happier. From what I have heard, the drive down was nerve racking: continuous hard rain + freeway = let's just close our eyes (passengers only), pray and hope we get there soon. They made great time and pulled in Monday afternoon (they had left Minnesota Sunday morning). Rusty is acclimating well with the pack and everyone is getting settled in.

What day is it?

2008-06-06T07:06:00.003-04:00

Man oh man is time flying, so fast so that I completely forgot my Wednesday this week. Seriously. No clue what I did, what happened, etc... like I fell asleep Tuesday and woke up Thursday - and while that could have happened in my pre-baby life, there is 0% chance of it happening now. As I write this I am trying to think of something I did Wednesday and nada. There is a faint glimmer of watching CNN coverage of Obama becoming the nominee (YEAH!), but I think I watched that Tuesday night. huh. Anyway, Chris is flying out to Minnesota today to pick up his mom, grandma, and Rusty for the summer. They will start the drive to Texas Sunday and will likely roll in late Monday night / Tuesday afternoon. I am very excited about their visit but also realize it marks the end to my time home with Kasja (just writing that brings tears to my eyes - a feeling I had no idea to expect). I am definitely not ready to go back to work, not sure I will ever be. Since I do not have to go back until June 23rd, I am going to remain in denial a little longer so no more talking about it for now.

Ah HA!

2008-06-02T17:07:00.004-04:00

Just letting you know: I have figured out my deodorant, just today - only took me a week. Anyway, I can now be entrusted with the responsibility of putting it on myself and will be hugging people again. YES - I was turning it counter-clockwise.

Sunday = Family Fun Day

2008-06-02T11:24:00.020-04:00

Chris and I have a tradition of Sunday being Family Fun Day... something we shamelessly copied from Anne, Randy & their girls. This past Sunday marked the return of an old pre-baby favorite -- a run around Town Lake (I mean, Lady Bird Lake) and then breakfast at Austin Java. We used to take the boys most weekends right up until Kasja was born but since her arrival, we were unsure of our ability to handle the boys + the girl for that much of an adventure. It went amazingly well. We were out of the house by 7:45AM; Chris took Jesse and they ran 5 miles, I had Kasja and Leto and we ran 3 with a pit stop at mile 2 for a quick fuel fill-up (i.e. milk time for the girl). Then we hit-up Austin Java for breakfast and sat of on the patio with the boys and a very patient little gal. In the afternoon, Chris and I worked on tiling the guest bathroom while Kasja napped and we capped off the day with some great salmon on the grill and TV time in bed. I unfortunately forgot the camera for our morning run but did manage to catch a few smiles during our evening TV time.

This one is my favorite even though it is a bit blurry

(there are more posted on our Flickr site)

Playdate with Jacob

2008-05-30T14:34:00.006-04:00

Thursday, the little lady had her friend Jacob over for a visit. They enjoyed some swinging, vibrating, and some suckling... haha, all perfectly acceptable baby activities. Shannan and I decided boys bore the little diva Kasja, as you can see from the pic -- she slept through the playdate (you'll hear no complaining from mama on good sleeping). It is fun to see Jacob interact (he is exactly 6 weeks older than Kasja); it is amazing how much and how quickly these little guys learn.

Auntie Asia

2008-05-30T14:23:00.006-04:00

This past weekend, honorary Auntie Asia flew to Austin from Minneapolis to meet the little lady Kasja. While our weekend had lots of sadness with the loss of Zeus, we still managed to have a good visit and time to catch-up, including AM bloodymarys, some good eats from the grill, TexMex, some crying, a little shopping, and... looks like Asia and Kasja hit it off!

Sweet blog?

2008-05-29T12:00:00.004-04:00

Of course, but only after I decided that is a GLUTEN-FREE cupcake... otherwise it would be plain torture.

Outsmarted by... deodorant!

2008-05-28T11:28:00.007-04:00

Yeah. Since having Kasja I have been super-smelly and it is not only because I shower as often as my little bros did when they were in Junior High but also due to some sort of body change (my girlfriend Shannan says this is normal and should go away after about 3 months -- not fast enough). Anyway... bought this clinical strength stuff last night in hopes of masking my problem and I cannot get the darn stuff to come up out of the little holes so I can put it on. Read the directions - turn clockwise, double-checked, yep, that's clockwise - it is a no-go. I even asked Chris to help me out last night and he got it to work. I guess applying deodorant is just too much responsibility for me... kinda makes me wonder who decided I should be left with a baby all day?!

Baby Zeus

2008-05-27T11:32:00.013-04:00

I am not sure I am really ready to write about this yet... Baby Zeus passed away Monday morning at home while I was snuggling him in bed. He had a great evening Sunday -- NY strip steak for dinner and some time with us outside; it had been too hot for Zeus outside for awhile, but a great breeze came in Sunday night and it was perfect. While we enjoyed conversation, Zeus sat by my feet under the table, nose held high sniffing the fresh air. I knew that the first week of treatment for his infection was the most critical and chances were he might not make it. Monday was going to mark day 7. We were making it. Zeus' condition was deteriorating but we were so close to the end of that first week, just another few days and we would be on the upswing. Unfortunately, the infection was too much for him and about 3AM Monday morning Zeus began breathing very hard and constantly panting. He jumped in bed with me when Chris got up to feed Kasja at about 5AM, and Zeus and I just laid in bed together and I tried to calm him - he seemed really scared and anxious. I noticed his temperature was not as high as it had been so I thought, maybe the worst is over; nights were always harder on him. We talked and I said that maybe we should turn off the light and try to get some sleep since Zeus had not yet slept. A little after 6AM I flipped off the light and said "let's go night-night Zeus." We laid, he at the foot end of the bed and me rubbing his butt (he loved that) and within minutes he passed on. I was able to call Chris to the room in time, and he went while we both held him at the foot of the bed. Asia was in town to visit and helped with Kasja while we all said our good-byes. Dr. Terrell came to pick up Zeus and since then we have all been in a daze. The house feels empty and quiet, and the little boys are definitely missing their big brother, Chris his right-hand man and helpful rule enforcer, and I am missing my Zeus kisses and constant companionship but I am happy that Zeus is now in heaven and no longer in pain. There are so many things that I am thankful for. I am thankful we gave Zeus a fighting chance, that is what he wanted although it did break my heart to see him in so much pain. I am thankful Chris was able to be here - and that we had such a perfect last night with Zeus, that I was able to be home these last few weeks, that Zeus got to meet Kasja, and that we were together as a family in his last hours. I am thankful for everyone's prayers and that my faith allows me to have comfort in that fact I know Zeus is in heaven helping God watch over us is patiently waiting until we see each other again. I am thankful that while losing Zeus was/is really hard - God works in such a way to allow us to see the best out of a tough loss. I was talking to my mom and Zeus really did give me so much -- he loved me unconditionally -- he was there for me in some tough times licking my tears -- Zeus GAVE me my life and in exchange I gave him his. I think he got the short end of that stick. I feel so blessed to have had him in my life and there is a big hole in it right now that I do not think will ever go away - we are just going to have to learn to live with him in our hearts only. Zeus, I miss you terribly buddy.

Two Month Appointment

2008-05-22T18:20:00.004-04:00

We had Kasja's 2 month appointment on Tuesday. Poor kiddo received 6 immunizations (I gave her a pre-emptive dose of Tylenol an hour before the appointment). She cried so hard :( They also took her measurements, and she weighs 11 pounds 2 ounces (50 percentile), is 22 inches long (30ish percentile) and her head circumfrence is 39.5 cm (74 percentile). Little lady has got a big noggin' - thankfully I had a c-section!!!