If you are wondering where I am... I am hiding in my closet

When it rains.... it pours.
If there is shit, surely, it will hit the fan.


That is how my week has gone. After another long day at work, kids and grandmas getting over a bug, and evening putting the kids down, I woke up Wednesday morning, after waking up with Mahala (again) at 2AM, 4AM, at 5:30AM for the day... TIRED. I fed Mahala while checking my calendar on my iPhone to see that I had a full day of meetings, mostly one-on-one meetings with my team, bringing Kasja to gym class over lunch, that kind of stuff -- my day was lined up back-to-back all day (another day without a lunch break). I finished feeding Mahala, started my shower water and Chris called (he is on week 2 of a 2 week long business trip) and I told him I was on the verge of a breakdown but that I managed to convince myself I could do it, it was manageable, I was tired but I could power through. Really.

So, I got off the phone quickly... the shower must be warm. I thought to myself, I am just going to relax a bit but I can do this. Screw the fact the Kasja is starting to fuss, she is safe in her crib. I just need 2 minutes of some hot water and deep breaths, without having to share it with my toddler. WELL - our water heaters died. Yes, both of them. Dead. So, I had a 60 second cold shower to rinse my hair. Got my rob on, let the dogs out (so littleman does not pee in the laundry room)... why is the pool filter running? -- the timer was on the fritz so I had been manually running it and it should not be running right now. Leto thinks the thingy that cleans the bottom of the pool is the Lockness Monster, and warns all of the neighbors of the dangers in the water. Not something they want to hear at 5:45AM, so I flip open to the filter controls only to find the filter is stuck ON.

I call Chris. ME: "The camel's back just broke!"
His response: "Well, at least you have an excuse to take the day off, dear."


So Wednesday was spent teleconferencing with work and managing plumbers and pool dudes, with a migraine to spice it up a little. Pool dude was a no show, and the Plumber could only fix one of the two water heaters, stating about the one that he did not fix "you can use it... worse case scenario is your house could burn down... but it is not likely, so I think you would be fine." My response, "I see... so, you are saying I should just see how it goes, and if my house fails to burn down and take my family with it, I'm good to go?!" Richie (that was the plumber's name), "well, you have to go turn it on yourself, I would hate to do it, and have something happen... but if I were you, I'd use it, you'll be fine." Obviously, he did not catch my disdain for his first comment. So, I said... "let me explain this more clearly, I have you here to fix it, and have no interest in risk taking in this area of my life... so, what can we do to get this water heater in SAFE operating order?" Richie, "well, the warranty company already told me they were not going to cover it, so... you'll be fine." At this point, I'd had it. Obviously I would get no where with Richie so I thanked him for fixing one of the heaters. At least I would have hot water to wash bottles and give my girls a bath.

I ended the day taking Grandma to the Doctor. While Great Grandma, Kasja, Mahala, and I were driving around waiting, Kasja shat in her diaper and practically stunk us all out of the car. I pulled into Austin Flower Co parking lot and changed Kasja on the car floor. I had, secretly, "run into" the area near the flower shop since Great Grandma (she has been feeling down lately) loves the place and I could convince her to go in and she needs to get out more. Sneaky, I know, makes me feel a little cleaver. Anyway, I helped Great Grandma into the shop while carrying Kasja in one arm and Mahala in her infant seat in the other, all while ordering pizza for pick-up from Brick Oven (they have GF pizza and were next door and I had remembered that I had not eaten yet and it was 6:30PM). We picked out some beautiful flowers -- enough for 3 bouquets and add some cheer to the house. We picked up the pizza and went on our way back to the DR office to pick up Grandma - she was not ready, so I fed Mahala in the parking lot. Got home about 7:30PM, immediately fed and put Kasja down for the night, changed and fed Mahala, and grabbed some pizza myself.

Anyway, it all boils down to chaos theory really; the likelihood of an event happening in the first place will increase the probability of it and others happening again - sooner than later.

eff'n chaos theory.

At least I have hot water.

Top 10: Ways to pass the time in the ICU

10. Count the number of blood splatter spots in the ceiling.

9. Wonder how, exactly, blood splatter was able to reach the other side of the room from the bed.

8. Wonder where else blood may have splattered in the room. Start looking for evidence.

7. Wonder what ailment caused the blood splatter, and what it would feel like to have that ailment. Then, thank God, because my blood was not splattering.

6. Knowing I would not have any blood splattering about... think of ways to leave my own mark, on the ceiling; the ICU equivalent to carving your name into the back of the school bus seat. One thought: spitballs, not unlike the ones junior high boys launched through straws at the lunch ladies... that was a no go - not enough spit. Hmmm...

5. Make up songs that go along to the beat of the IV pump. This was challenging when I had multiple pumps.

4. Eavesdrop on the nurses and DRs outside my door during rounds/shift change. Doing so, I learned that I had done better that first night than everyone thought I would... my heart was not working properly and my blood pressure was so low I had been put on dopamine to help keep things working and I had completely blacked out the entire night; kinda made me wonder how they had expected me to do. Deciding this was not a productive thought... back to the blood splatter - why had they not cleaned it from the ceiling?

3. Play the guess my blood pressure game. I had this cuff on my arm that would automatically take my blood pressure every 10 minutes. I would guess my pressure based on many variables, and encouraged my visitors to play along. Needless to say, I got very good at this game and could kick some tail.

2. Practice mind over matter techniques. Literally. There was no way I was going to go #2 in that adult potty chair in front of the nurses.

1. Remind myself of how lucky I was to still be here thinking of ways to pass time.

Still alive... and kicking!

I know it has been FOREVER since I have blogged... and believe me, I have a lot to say (not that you ever questioned that fact, right?!), I have just been a little swamped lately. Adjusting to having 2 kiddos in tow takes some time, and dealing with that whole being sick thing that kinda sucked. Moms are great at not sharing their pain, and sucking it up and dealing, but man, who knew having two kids was THAT much of an adjustment. I have spent much of the last three months calling every Mom of two or more... a LIAR! All these moms make it look so easy... makes me wonder if I am just that uptight or if it is this difficult for others of you out there.... Seriously, having 2 kids is 10 TIMES the work of having 1. However hard it is, though, it is SO worth it. And I am sure it will get easier as Mahala gets older, right....?!

Top 10: Things we have learned about Mahala

10. Mahala is a little Houdini - she figured out a way to sneak out of my uterus, can wiggle out of the tightest swaddle blanket (even the Miracle Blanket!), and pulls her arms out of her carseat straps.
9. She loves to clasp her hands together.
8. Mahala has a veracious appetite. She has been known to eat 9 ounces within 1.5 hours!
7. Her cry is not a newborn cry. She came out with some VERY strong lungs.
6. She loves to be held and be snuggled.
5. Mahala sleeps well for a 2 week old (knock on wood).
4. Born with blonde highlights. Seriously. She has dark hair with streaks of white blonde hair.
3. We call her "the baracouda." She is both super hungry and a super sucker!
2. She has some big 'ol feet and long toes.
1. Is beautiful!

My Visitors

While we were in the hospital, we had several visitors come to meet Miss Mahala.

Shannan stopped by.

Grandma and Great Grandma.

Elvira.

Tara and Mia (Vinnie and Zane)

Joyce from work also stopped by, but I am missing the picture of her and Mahala. I think it might be on one of our iPhones.

Mahala Arline makes her debut

Mahala Arline made her debut on Wednesday, July 22nd at 9:57AM. She is beautiful and we are so excited to have welcomed her into our family and are enjoying getting to know her. She weighed in at 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and 19.5 inches in length.

We went in for a scheduled repeat c-section (Kasja was breech and delivered via c-section), arriving at the hospital at 7:00AM, got checked in and hooked up to monitors in pre-OP. Everything looked great -- I was nervous, and was getting more so as each minute passed. I had some anxiety about the surgery but managed to stay calm. The hospital recently completed a new women's center addition that included the install of these really cool heated hospital gowns; it kept me entertained and distracted. At 9:00AM, we were given the go to prepare for the operating room. Chris suited up in his white jumpsuit, he was "fired-up" excitement, meanwhile my heart had dropped into my stomach. I kept reminding myself that there was no point in being nervous... being nervous was not going to change the fact that surgery was impending - and reminded myself that the surgery was very routine and safe for me and Mahala. Chris did a great job of keeping me calm too.

We walked to the operating room, Chris took a chair outside while they prepped me. They gave me my spinal... and a calm came over me. There must be some really good drugs in that stuff. At that point, I was ready to meet Mahala and know that she was healthy and safe. They lifted the drape so I could not see the surgery and Chris was brought in. In a snap, the medical team was down to business and I was opened up. Then... we hear the DR say, "OH MY GOD!" Totally said with the !!!! and deserving of all CAPS. Chris was sure he would quickly be escorted out and an emergency would follow... I was on some good drugs so it did not really phase me. Apparently, my uterus had ruptured. Uterine rupture is one of the most serious, deadly complications of pregnancy; I had no symptoms and my DR determined it happened sometime in the last weeks of the pregnancy. Mahala was no longer in my uterus, but my abdominal cavity, thankfully she was snug inside the amniotic sack. The scar from Kasja's delivery had opened and the pressure opened up enough for Mahala to sneak out of the uterus. There was some evidence of previous bleeding but it had stopped due to the pressure the amniotic sack was putting on tears. A benefit was a quick delivery, within 4 minutes of being opened up, Mahala was delivered and she cried immediately. We were overjoyed! And happy to have a little miracle baby.

They gave Miss Mahala her first bath, put my uterus back together, and stitched me up. I carried on conversations with the medical team about the bachelorette, recently watched movies, etc... to pass time. We stayed in the hospital for four days, going home on Saturday. Kasja was at home with a nasty cold so she was unable to visit.

Tired baby, tired mama

Kasja and I chillin' on the couch after an exhausting trip to the grocery.

But... just 10 minutes later...

This proves a few things to me:

1. I really should have napped instead of watching TV, the naps seem to work.

2. We need to quit buying toys and just give Kasja empty boxes, etc...

3. Mirrors lie; I had no idea my belly had gotten that BIG!

Nesting... we're ready (as ready as you can be, anyway)!

Back, with impending arrival of Kasja, I was determined to personally sew all of the bedding, curtains, etc... for her room. I must admit, this time, I did not sew any of Mahala's room gear (although she did inherit some from Kasja). I did get obsessed with this weekender bag that I could use for to bring Mahala's and I JUST HAD to make before I would even think about packing a hospital bag. Let me tell you - this bag was a b!tch to make. Seriously. Broke lots of needles, even the foot for my sewing machine. But post hand-made piping, handles, pockets, etc... the bag is finished; and now packed! I am pretty proud of myself.

Mahala's room is all set too! Chris hung a special mobile that hung above both his and his mother's crib. It is made of painted wood angels that will watch over our baby while she sleeps. I found a special sign to hang above her rocking chair that reminds me of my childhood. Her blinds and curtains have been hung (not to mention all of the girly clothes in her closet as well). Bedding washed and every detail attended too (I think). We still have to plug in her monitor -- although, I am not so fired up about that; we will have two baby monitors in use (note: sudden moment of panic sneaking up...). Overall, we have all of the "stuff" ready, now are we? Exciting, crazy times ahead, here we come full speed (no point in hesitating now, right?!). I am very excited to meet and get to know little Mahala - see what she looks like, watch her little personality develop. Next Wednesday is the BIG day, unless Mahala decides to come early. We'll keep y'all posted!

(and I still have not finished hanging, ironing the clothes!)

Beautiful Princess Kasja

We snapped these a few nights ago.

I think they turned out great - my baby is growing into such a big girl.

(the first one is my favorite)

Update

We have been quite busy lately... Chris was in Singapore for business for two weeks, my mom and Auntie Becca were in town to visit and help me out while Chris was away; mom and Becca left last Friday afternoon with tears in everyone's eyes, while Chris returned Friday at midnight to one happy little girl who made googly eyes at her daddy all the way home from the airport at 1AM.

This week has been filled with unpacking, laundry, and repacking (work, evening teleconferences, etc...) - Chris heads off again Friday, this time to Minnesota to pick up his mom and grandma. He is flying to MN and driving back with "Rusty the Dog" in tow. We are hoping to welcome the crew to Austin sometime Wednesday or Thursday. After that, everyone should be staying put until Mahala makes her debut in mid-July. Chris has been so busy for the last two months with all of this travelling, and not to mention moving house and starting a new job! He has earned lots of gold stars! (especially after the beautiful rare pearl necklace he brought home for me from Singapore - I'll get a pic).

Kasja is growing up faster than you can blink. Her favorite words lately are NO, NOT, MINE, and SIT (she likes to boss the dogs). She understands both Spanish and English, which is kinda fun. She has given up her morning bottle, and I am hoping by the end of the week to do away with bottles completely by getting rid of the bedtime bottle. She was probably ready to give them up a while ago, I think mama is more attached to them than the little Miss. She has been into pretending lately with her baby and dishes; she likes to feed, kiss, hug, and snuggle the baby and makes (plastic) scrambled eggs better than any other sous chef, she also like to pretend feed everyone. It is pretty cute and amazing to me how she learns all of this stuff.

Mahala has been kicking away (usually in the middle of the night or when I am trying to concentrate during a work meeting) and growing quickly herself (i.e. recently grew out of a set of pants and my belly hangs out the bottom of my shirts - ugh!). I am getting to that point where I am really ready to meet this little lady but know she needs to cook for a few more weeks. We are scheduled for a c-section on July 22; if Mahala is anything like her sister, she'll come around July 13. Regardless, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, however this time I know what we are in for with a newborn... I guess there is no turning back now :) Someone at work the other day said something along the lines of "well, if you take a maternity leave... " To which few ladies (and I) laughed... IF - do I have a choice at this point? Like oh, I guess I am just not going to have that baby after all. We are getting excited, but it is crazy how different it is the second time around, but that is a whole different post.

The boys have settled into the new house. Leto "fell" (was bumped in by Jesse) into the pool twice in the last few weeks - this has spurred lots of new barking at the pool monster (i.e. little cleaner thingy that scoots around the bottom). Jesse missed his dad and his authority and has found a new fav comfy spot on the couch, good thing Chris is back since I am not nearly the alpha male that he is (obviously, right).

Memorial Day weekend marked a year since Zeus passed. After a year, it is a little easier but I am still pretty sad. I still miss him, talk about him a lot. I was chatting with one of my friends, Christophe, and he said something that really hit me... Zeus would want you to get over him and move on - loving him is letting go (not rocket science but an ah-ha moment for me nonetheless). Christophe is so right. Since that conversation, I have been trying to shift my mind around loving and letting go, and it is helping. That and a lot of chocolate and ice cream.

I do not have any new pics -- my mom has some that I need to get from her. I'll be sure to snap a few this weekend and post them on here. So long for now!

The BEST Austin-area Nanny Available

It is with sadness that we had to give our nanny the news that our family will no longer need her; grandma will be caring for our little munchkin(s) starting mid-June, so Raquel's (our nanny) last day with us will be June 12th. I know it can be very difficult to find a great nanny, especially around the time school gets out -- and Raquel is THE PERFECT NANNY. She has raised four girls and helped me navigate through this first time mom stuff.

So... if you are in the Austin area and looking for a nanny - drop me a comment and I would be happy to help facilitate a match-up and answer any questions you may have. I really want to help Raquel find the perfect family since she has been so good to us.

Mom & Becca to the rescue

Chris is leaving for a two week business trip to Singapore Friday and Kasja and I were going to be on our own. I thought, this could be difficult - but we can do it - single moms do it all of the time, right?!

Until recently, I had not really been showing my pregnancy; all of a sudden it really hit me; I am moving slower, my belly: HUGE. Anyway, Sunday night, we were lounging getting Kasja ready for bed... she has this thing about getting up and down from couches/beds right now. Without thinking, I twisted while lifting her up on the bed and over my belly - BAD IDEA! I felt a pull in my ribs. Worse off, within 30 seconds, Kasja was back on the floor asking to come up on the bed, and I twisted while lifting her up and over me, again. If the first time it was a BAD IDEA, not sure what doing it the second time was besides complete STUPIDITY. When the moment of STUPIDITY hit me, I felt a tear in my right mid-rib section. Then it was numb. Hmmm... the stupidity ensued and I thought not a lot of it. Woke up in the middle of the night with screaming/stabbing/supersucky pain when I either 1. breathed or 2. moved. Great! I spent Monday attempting to hide my pain (after researching it could take many weeks to heal) and convince Chris that I could handle Kasja on my own when he leaves for Singapore. Apparently, I am not a good actor.

By Tuesday, deep down, I knew that I could not handle Kasja on my own for two weeks. I seriously can barely breathe much less lift, twist, and buckle her into a carseat. Not really ready to admit defeat, and holding out hope for a fast recovery, I kept telling Chris I could handle it knowing (err... thinking/praying) I would make it through some way (strong women SUCK IT UP and DEAL, right?!). I talked to my mom over lunch, and she called me out on it. She told me I did not sound good; she could hear my pain through my voice, and that she was going to talk to my dad when he got home from work about holding down the fort so she could come to Austin to help out, afterall she and Becca did not have many commitments anyway.

At first, I thought, great, cool, thanks. But, you know, I really can do it all by myself. For real. I can. It is a motto I have believed deeply in since being a toddler (I am told) and something I am starting to see in my own daughter -- a fierce streak of independence/self reliance. But is accepting help, defeat? Or make you weak? I went back to my work teleconference thinking about this and the example I lead for my own daughter. My phone rings. It's my mom.
Mom: "Check your email recently?"
Me: "Yeah... wait, which one... oh gmail, no - checking it."
Mom: "Our itinerary is in your inbox, Becca and I get in Friday evening, we're staying for two weeks to take care of you and Kasja."
Me: "I didn't know dad was home yet... seriously, THANK YOU!"

I told Chris the news when he got home from work. All day, he had been worrying/trying to find some help to visit knowing what I was not ready to admit. It is an understatement to say Chris was relieved, shouting "Your Mom is a SAINT!"

The lesson I have learned here is that asking for/accepting help is not defeat. Sometimes, knowing when you need help is what makes you strong. And that moms ROCK! Even when you are a mom yourself - sometimes you still need your mom to take care of you. I hope Kasja (and Mahala) give me that opportunity someday.

On becoming a cheapskate

So... I must admit, I have been sucked in. I went to Target yesterday, and bought a crap-load of stuff, including a bunch of evil wheat crackers for Chris, BBQ sauce, 3 gallons of milk, a nasty diet coke for myself to enjoy on my way home (oh, how I wish I hated the taste of the stuff, but it is SOOOO yummy) and a dark chocolate bar for $11.15. The milk alone was almost $11, so Target pretty much paid me to take everything else off of their hands. My mom regularly blogs about ways to save money and has made some friends who do the same, including a super cool mom at It's Hip to Save. Now these ladies, including my mom, are way insanely into this couponing stuff. I have always been a bit of a brand whore... sporting an addiction to Aveda, European shoes, Ralph Lauren Black Label, Ethan Allen... I don't like to be loud about it, I just like to buy the best that I can afford, but with a one kiddo in tow, another on the way, and a new house (not to mention the economy) - I sometimes ask myself -- aren't there better ways to spend that money we have worked so hard for? I aways try to get the brands I like for the best price (i.e. finding something I really like, and watching it go on sale) but this is truly taking cheap to a new level. Isn't Target brand baby shampoo for $0.34 just as good as the California Kids crap that costs $10?

This is not to say that I am reformed and cured of my addictions, rehab may still be in my future, however, I did get a thrill out of trying to make my check at Target be as low as possible being that I rarely get out of the place for under $150. It was only $11! And I got 3 bags of stuff. Seriously. Supercool!

Pools, ice cream & cake... what a weekend!

Kasja came down with a common childhood virus this past weekend (hand, foot, and mouth disease), so DRs orders were... ice cream, milkshakes, and soft food. Well... I can tell you there were no complaints from Miss Kasja as she enjoyed her first icepop. (We did not mind either, there was no way Kasja could eat the entire box we were "forced," er... on DRs orders, to buy, so we helped out too).

Chris and Kasja braved the cold water and took a dip in the pool. Chris had jumped in Saturday, making the first official venture into the Howe's backyard pool - I thought he was crazy -- Sunday afternoon, we were letting Kasja dangle her feet in - and before we knew it, we had to strip her down and let her swim. I am still way to chicken to get in... yes, I know it is 90+ degrees out, however the water is still a bit too chilly for me. Maybe by the weekend after we have a few more warm nights. Anyway, Miss Kasja LOVED the water. She splashed, giggled, and kicked. Definitely a fish in the making. Daddy enjoyed the special moment swimming with his little girl, too.

And... it was Chris' birthday last Sunday (the 26th) and I made him a cake. I recently learned he loves Angelfood cake. Being a gluten-free house, this is not something you can just go out and buy. It took me a few days to get all of the flours needed, and to get brave enough to tackle the recipe. Anyway, the cake turned out OK. Tasted wonderful, a little dense. I think I over folded when I added the flour. But, here is my first attempt at making a gluten-free Angelfood cake. Not quite up to par with Grandma Eke's... I told Chris he is going to have to suffer through another try at it this week (he did not complain).

Rub-a-dub-dub

... look at these two cuties in the tub! I know they will kill their mothers someday for snapping these pics - but they are so cute, so how can you resist!